Hunter Pence Literally Cannot Fathom Driving


After Giants right flailer Hunter Pence fell victim to the notorious scooter snatcher of San Francisco, he mentioned to reporters, “I can’t fathom driving for some reason.” The crack NotGraphs Investigative Team followed up and learned that, in fact, Pence suffers from a psychological condition that renders him literally unable to conceptualize the operation of a motor vehicle. The two-time All-Star’s difficulties do not apparently extend to other pieces of complex machinery, as he readily answered questions about steam engines, countertop blenders, personal computers, and the Large Hadron Collider. Experts, however, note that it remains debatable whether Pence can fathom the operation of his own person.

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4 Responses to “Hunter Pence Literally Cannot Fathom Driving”

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  1. Boomerang says:

    Take heart, Hunter Pence. We would all struggle to measure the depth of motoring by means of a sounding line.

    I myself once attempted to literally penetrate the battle of the sexes. That, that was a mistake.

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  2. Melk Was a Bad Choice says:

    He definitely has unconventional motor skills.

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  3. Ken says:

    1) I may have the same issue as Pence with the last vehicle as it is right-hand drive.

    2) If Pence fully understood the operation of his own body, imagine how athletic he would be. As is, he has the motor skills of an overgrown 3-year-old and is still considerably better at baseball than most.

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  4. Hunter
    Just saw that you got the scooter back and were thinking about donating the proceeds from the scooter to public benefit. We do a men’s support group inside San Quentin and New Folsom Prisons and could always use the help. For more info check us out at the links below. I am Rob Allbee, the Founder and Director for the Inside Circle Foundation and feel free to contact me at any time if this is something you want to pursue. Thanks and Go Giants!
    password: insidecircle
    password: insidecircle

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