I Will Spend the Day Tracking My Recently Purchased Cap!

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The tracking number has been obscured, in case murderers read this.

A lot of people email me or contact me by way of social media because they’re interested in how a successful and handsome and talented and handsome Real Author conducts his affairs.

“That depends,” is the answer, of course. Sometimes, I’ll dedicate large portions of the day to silent discourse with my interior self. Other times, what I’ll do is thoughtlessly watch hours of YouTube videos featuring young, large-breasted women “failing” in different ways — and then, right after that, descend into a metaphorical cauldron of shame such as would permanently cripple any of the more wretched protagonists from John Cheever’s or Philip Roth’s novels.

Today, however, I will spend the day tracking the Winston-Salem Spirits cap that I recently purchased on eBay, and which features a somber eagle flying in front of (maybe) a red sun from 1994.


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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

8 Responses to “I Will Spend the Day Tracking My Recently Purchased Cap!”

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  1. Umpire Weekend says:

    Glad to see you toughed out the finger you injured at the patiserrie, without missing a start.

    Enjoy the cap, you have truly earned it.

    +18 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Danny Kugler says:

    Great hat oops cap. Love looking at old and new logos. My favorite one I have is Las Vegas 51′s with the Alien Head.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Lenard says:

    Sooo….where is it now?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Jake says:

    I read this as, “I will spend the day tracking my recently purchased crap.”

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. jwise224 says:

    Is it fitted? Because if it’s fitted, there’s less chance Dayn Perry will steal it from you. From back channels, it sounds as if he has lumpy-head syndrome.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. eddiegaedel says:

    I love seeing where my products travel through on route to delivery. Makes me want to buy a new cap :)

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Clayton says:

    Question. A cap from ebay. Does that mean it has been worn by another person?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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