If There Were a Magical-Realist Novel About Josh Satin

Satin Home Run Graphic

If there were a magical-realist novel about Josh Satin, it would begin with a description of Josh Satin, rounding the bases like normal after having hit a home run against Brewers reliever Jim Henderson on September 26, 2013.

If there were a magical-realist novel about Josh Satin, it would also feature a description of how, just after hitting that home run but before running, how Satin reacted in a manner not unlike that one depicted in Fig.1 below — disappointed, it would seem, that he’d hit only a foul ball.

One assumes, if there were a magical-realist novel about Josh Satin, that said novel would explore in some depth — perhaps for the duration of the novel itself — that peculiar interval in which Satin acquainted himself with a reality (represented by Fig. 2) in which he hadn’t actually hit a foul ball, but rather a home run.

It almost goes without saying that, were there a magical-realist novel about Josh Satin, that it’d be written by a recently exiled native of South America, an author visited by a recurring dream of this sport he hardly understands narrated in a language he barely knows.

It’s not difficult to imagine, if there were a magical-realist novel about Josh Satin, that it would feature a brief introductory piece not unlike the present one, which entertains the possibility of a magical-realist novel about Josh Satin, as if such a thing could possibly exist.


The Relevant Footage

Satin Real Real 1
Fig. 1

Satin Real Real 2
Fig. 2




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.


9 Responses to “If There Were a Magical-Realist Novel About Josh Satin”

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  1. Bryan Cole says:

    If there were a magical-realist novel about Josh Satin, Brian McCann would review it for the New Yorker and tear it to shreds.

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    • me says:

      Ah, but McCann is only angered by that which is not baseball, and baseball is nothing if not hopes and dreams. If there were a magical-realist novel about Josh Satin, and Josh Satin acted with conduct befitting a gentleman in pursuit of said hopes and dreams, would he not, in a sense, be baseball? The magical elements intertwined in Satin’s at-bat would no doubt lead to an outcome not of McCann’s choosing… but he would accept it as part of the game he so dearly loves and wait for a chance to seize a moment of his own…

      Now, if we talkin’ ’bout some little sh%t roundin’ the bases like he never done it ‘fore and hollerin’ all the while at the entire opposing team, then that ain’t baseball, no sir, and no way no how that’s gonna sit right. Don’t care if it’s a d@mn magic book.

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  2. RPMcSweeney says:

    Unabridged version: He thought he had hit a foul ball (Fig. 1), then he thought he had stroked a dongpiece (Fig. 2), THEN about 1/3rd the way down the base path he thought he had hit a double off the wall (Fig. 3, not shown), THEN about 2/3rds the way down the base path he thought he was going to be thrown out at first because he had dallied too long in the batter’s box (Fig. 4, not shown), THEN he stood on first kinda slack jawed and unsure of reality and his existence within it (Fig. 5, not shown), THEN (after replay), he knew he had cranked a dongshot and he began to circle the bases tenatively, certain in the knowledge that the universe was alive and filled with unfathomable vicissitudes.

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  3. ginteal says:

    Macondo would have an awesome U15 baseball team before MLB scouts and shady dealers from some national development league picked it apart.

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  4. Mike Green says:

    In figure 1, the little baseball in the Cholula hot sauce ad behind Satin rolls off the big baseball when Satin turns away. Surrealist art meets magic realist literature.

    Henderson evidently also was confused about the fairness or foulness of the ball. He may have been meditating on the Carlinesque component of the phrase “the ball hit the foul pole”.

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  5. Everything's Amazin says:

    Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Josh Satin was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover the inseparability of time.

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  6. dg says:

    “100 Years of Josh Satin Contemplating the Cruelty of The Universe In Which He Thinks His Well Timed and Struck Hit Went Foul, Before Realizing It Was Indeed A Home Run, in Solitude”

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    • Josh Satin says:

      “100 Years of Josh Satin Contemplating the Cruelty of The Universe In Which He Thinks His Well Timed and Struck Hit Went Foul, Before Realizing It Was Indeed A Home Run, in Solitude….. while stroking his dongpiece”

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  7. Juan B says:

    Carson, you deserve the world record for words per sentence.

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