Important Graphs About Opening Day

O Day Graph 1

O Day Graph 2

O Day Graph 3

O Day Graph 4

O Day Graph 5

(For more nonsense inspired by my son, check out my piece on McSweeney’s last week, “Your Baby’s Klout Score is in the 25th Percentile.”)




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

13 Responses to “Important Graphs About Opening Day”

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  1. Urban Shocker says:

    MS Paint graphs are by definition the most important graphs.

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  2. Dan Rozenson says:

    Number of MS paint graphs in this post:

    | /
    | /
    | /
    | /
    | /
    |/_______
    0 5

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. bryan says:

    genius.

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  4. ReuschelCakes says:

    2nd to last chart… why does having or not having an infant impact your desire to draft Josh Hamilton?

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    • Resolution says:

      It may or may not impact his desire, these analyses in their presented form are strictly correlational. Causality is unclear.

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    • Jason B says:

      Because lotsa sleep-deprived parents do irrational things.

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    • ReuschelCakes says:

      i was thinking of it the other way – asking why in a state of the world with NO infants are you still drafting Hamilton on all of your teams?

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      • Billy Zane says:

        It’s more a reflection of “last year he was coming off a very strong fantasy campaign, and also my infant hadn’t been born yet”. I’d imagine.

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    • ReuschelCakes says:

      also – and more notably… i love this post.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

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