Dale is about to knock on your door, ask to use your bathroom real quick.

Dale Thayer had a pretty bitchin’ Wednesday.

Woke up about nooner, pulled an Icer — that’s what he calls Icehouse — from the mini-fridge next to his bed, slid his fungal toes into his flip-flops. By the time he made it to the full-sized fridge in the kitchen, it was time for another Icer. Cold as ever. Free shivers, you know what I’m sayin’? Poured a bit on his toes — alcohol kills off the fungus.
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Time spent watching this GIF: >Five minutes.
People in the dugout paying attention to this display: Zero, miraculously.
Number of slaps in Bautista/Lawrie’s pre-dancing handshake: Two.
Time spent trying to decide how to possibly articulate how lovable it is: Around one hour.
Time spent trying to figure out who the “better” dancer, Jose Bautista or Brett Lawrie: 20 minutes.
Answers to the questions I sought: Zero.

via Reddit, H/T Old Time Family Baseball

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Before the existence of the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team, what happened in the Texas Rangers dugout, stayed in the Texas Rangers dugout. No more.

Joe Nathan: You nasty.

H/T: DAILY DOSE OF BASEBALL. Yes, in all caps.

On May 20th, the Tampa Bay Rays broadcast team is going to invite a former STATS Inc. intern, a Stanford economics graduate, a former All-American athlete, a College World Series record holder, a diabetic, a man with a Wikipedia page containing over 6,300 words in it, a man who eats bullets washed in the tears of his enemies and a few of his friends, and an active major league baseball player in the booth.

Figured it out yet?

THEY’RE ALL ONE PERSON.

That’s right, Mr. Super Sam Fuld will be joining the Tampa Bay Rays broadcast team in the booth to talk about sabermetrics. What?! That’s right. Those fancy acronumbers and oozer ratings.
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So today I realized/learned that Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland is 67 years old. Seriously? Just 67? Look at this guy:

Stunned by my discovery, I did what any sane person would do: I expressed my shock and dismay to the approximately two dozen sad, lonely souls and spambots who follow me on Twitter.

Wait, Jim Leyland is only 67 years old?

— Matt Klaassen (@devil_fingers) May 8, 2012

America’s response tells us something about something, I tell you what.

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Brian McCann is the hard-hitting catcher for the Atlanta Braves. Arn Anderson once teamed with Tully Blanchard to haunt the squared circle and our dreams. Both are Gentlemen of Verona. They are also quite possibly the same man …

In the upper left of the abovely embedded image, you see Arn Anderson dressed up like Brian McCann. Mr. Anderson has gone so far as to dress himself in baseball woolies and surround himself with central-casting teammates. He points menacingly at the opposition, which is what wrestlers are wont to do. Why is he going to such lengths and depths? Because he might as well be Brian McCann.

In the bottom right of the abovely embedded image, you see Brian McCann adopting the buffalo stance known as “Looking Like Arn Anderson.” Observe his hairy, sweaty skin the color of hamster bedding. Admire his championship belt, which signifies, by turns, the rewards of valor and or deeds of a dirty nature already done. Why is Brian McCann going to such lengths to look like Arn Anderson? Because he might as well be Arn Anderson.

This has been the zipper- and latex-clad, becocked work of the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team.

This is a run expectancy matrix from the Cubs broadcast on Sunday. Cubs broadcaster Len Kasper has started a series featuring new advanced stats each Sunday, having already introduced the triple slash and BABIP.

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Last weekend, just before Matt Kemp hit a walk-off home run against the Washington Nationals, Dave Brown tweeted the following.

Just want this on the record: Cat Memp.

— Dave Brown (@AnswerDave) April 29, 2012

Presented without comment: “Cat Memp.”

Even Eckstein thinks C3PO uses a small bat.

This picture comes to us from Shorpy, which is a very fine web destination.

I beg you to click on the picture to enlarge and then spend some time staring at this young man’s bedroom wall. Several of the commenters at the Shorpy post have spent some time figuring out who is who in the selection of baseball cards behind him. There are so many things I love in this photo, from his dirty white pants to the canopy above his bed, the short broom on his desk, the mysterious note on the bed. I admire crisp, simple modern design, but staring at this room makes me want to wallpaper my studio in postcards, keepsakes, and — of course — baseball cards. This student was expressing himself through the art of careful, personal curation. He’s making a “what I like is what I’m like” statement with this room, something that is usually associated with the facebook generation, but is actually just a habit of privileged young people of all eras. Whether it’s picking out outfits, rearranging your bookshelves, making a mix tape, or gluing baseball cards to your wall, we have all, at some point in our lives, tried to find ways to viewed as the human embodiment of all the beautiful or interesting (or powerful or funny or obscure or…) things we have collected. By that standard, this kid might be the most beautiful person I have ever seen.