Step One: Regard the following, embiggenable image of Mets first baseman and noted Member of the Tribe Ike Davis dressed a cowboy.

Read the rest of this entry »

Oakland Athletics Tickets

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Buddy,

Winter’s end is closer. Bills pile but, oh, done with ‘em. Bored? Spring! Birds all over! Got a glover, lover? A lent one. Jersey? Ball? Bats? Field? Games please. Eat on your, a, pork chop, Buddy. Not hard, fatty. Bad news? Dang. Snow’s fine. We’re ready.

Done. Goodnight.

A Boomer Whipple to Jeff Sullivan & Jon Bois, whose twitter game inspired this post.

It may have come to your attention by now that some women like baseball. This is a fact that, although still often expressed as an exclamation of surprise, has actually been true for the last 100+ years. Maybe you even have a woman that likes baseball in your life? Lucky you! MLB.com and I have some suggestions for you regarding this upcoming Valentine’s day. If your [girlfriend, wife, sister, sister-wife] doesn’t care for the greatest game on earth? Find one that does*.

* JK!!!!!! That’d be a pretty dumb reason to leave a nice girl and besides, sometimes it’s fun to have your own interests instead of shared ones — like my interest in Ryan Gosling.
Read the rest of this entry »

Just this afternoon I’ve submitted an application for employment to baseball’s new Most Interesting Club, the Houston Astros. Here are some notable excerpts.

From the Cover Letter, Page 1:

Mr. Luhnow,

With the announcement yesterday that PITCHf/x expert Mike Fast will be joining the Astros’ baseball operations department — that, coupled with a generous comment about FanGraphs in your Twitter account — it’s apparent that both you and the new-look Houston Astros are looking for fresh ideas. It’s what that in mind that I submit the present application for employment in the Houston Astros organization.

What, precisely, qualifies me to work for the Astros? Allow me to answer candidly: nothing, really. To that admission, allow me to add hastily that I have never, at any point in the roughly 2.5 years during which I’ve worked for FanGraphs, been qualified for even one position I’ve held there — and yet, over that same span of time, both the site’s traffic and presence in the mainstream media have increased exponentially.

“Correlation, not causation,” you say? Luckily for me, I have no idea what that means!

Read the rest of this entry »

On the occasion of his signing with the Mariners, a hand-crafted, artisanal snap regarding the aged Kevin Millwood.

The Author: Kevin Millwood is so old he’s got a negative Player ID number on FanGraphs.

All Gathered: Oh, snap.

Also: Rapturous applause.

Dear Arbitrators:

As you know, there are six criteria that may be considered during a salary arbitration hearing:

1. The contribution of the player during the previous season
2. The length and consistency of the player’s career
3. The record of the player’s previous compensation
4. The performance of the player’s club during the previous season
5. Any physical or mental defects the player may have
6. Comparable baseball salaries

Source: The Sports Economist Blog

In this hearing, we would like to focus specifically on element #5. The player in question has the following mental and physical defects that we believe indicate he should be awarded our submitted figure of $480,000, and not the player’s submitted figure of $11,000,002. Apologies for the length of our list.

1. Player’s right arm is three millimeters shorter than his left.
2. Severe seasonal allergies.
3. Lactose intolerance. Read the rest of this entry »

Yes, I realize his name is probably pronounced “luh-zor” and is probably just a shortening of “Lazorako” or “Lazorachak,” but should that ruin our fun? The illustrious 19th and early 20th century Staten Island immigration workers say no — we should too!

First of all, the real facts: Johnny Lazor was a backup outfielder for the Boston Red Sox, and because of a little skirmish in Europe in the 1930s to 1940s, Lazor snatched a good chunk of playing time while Ted Williams and Dom DiMaggio served their country. Lazor played well in their absence, but was probably just a fourth outfielder succeeding in a league depleted by war.

But the real question we need to ask ourselves is this: What would a Saturday morning cartoon featuring said Johnny Lazor be about?
Read the rest of this entry »

Howdy, folks. It’s that time of year again, when the BWABBA entrusts me to be one of the proud voters for the Baseball Hall o’ Fame. The ballot instructions are clear: “Voting shall be based upon the player’s record, playing ability, integrity, sportsmanship, character, and contributions to the team(s) on which the player played.” Some voters like to assign numbers to each of those categories and do some sort of math thing. Even if I knew how to use a calculator, which I don’t, I don’t think you can decide the value of anything based on a number. That would be like going into a restaurant and choosing your meal based on the price. I don’t want to know what food costs. I just want to eat it. That, my friends, is a J.G. Taylor Spunk Award-winning analogy, which is why I know I’m in line to make it into that Hall one day for my writin’ ablilities. The Spunk Award will one day be mine. Where were we now? Oh, yes, the ballot. Here we go.

A lot of talk this year about BARRY LARKIN. I don’t really understand it. Did he bat .300? Nope. Career .295. I don’t want to dilute my hall with people who couldn’t get a hit at least 300 out of every… wait, how do we do the batting average again? 300 hits out of every 100 times at bat. Yeah, that sounds right. So, .295, which is like 500 fewer hits every season… I say no. Besides, he didn’t even come close to that magic number of 300 wins. He had, um, I think it’s zero. So, it’s a no. Although I will revisit next year if we find out he did drugs or something. That might explain the shortfall and give me a reason to vote for him.

Read the rest of this entry »

A few paragraphs into this New York Times article about the Mets owners seeking minority investors and I lost track of whether I was reading an actual news piece or something that was trying to be funny. Apparently the Mets think rich people want to give them $20 million without getting anything in return. How is “access to Mr. Met” not a joke? Mr. Met is a guy in a costume. And it’s lovely that they want to give their investors a weekend’s stay at spring training and discounts — discounts! — on MLB.com merchandise. These people have $20 million to spare on a meaningless fraction of a terrible baseball team, that comes with no control over what the team does. I think they can afford to pay full price for a hat, if they even want one. David Brown has already written a piece for Yahoo about ten things someone can do with their “access” to Mr. Met — a more family-friendly list than the one that first came to mind for me — so I’ll skip that angle and try something slightly different.

Eight More Meaningless Perks To Mets Minority Ownership that the Times article inadvertently left out:

1. Free mustard on every full-price Citi Field hot dog you purchase.

Read the rest of this entry »