Answer: Matt Holliday.

Credit: Fox Sports Midwest via Derrick Goold of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

No cheating here.

I’ll start you off with the easy ones.

Starting Pitchers:
Wandy Rodriguez
Bud Norris
J.A. Happ

Bullpen:
Brett Myers

Starting Lineup:
Carlos Lee (1B)

That leaves, uh, 20 more players. Let’s do it this way. Remember, no cheating. Leave one name in the comments, a name no one above you has mentioned. And we’ll see how long it takes to get to all 25. And who’s the last one named. (My guess as to the last one named is the guy in the photo.)

Measuring “baseballness” can be tough, and I know that I often wish for a handy yardstick for, say, which of the dresses in my closet is the most baseball. I haven’t figured that one out yet, but here’s a handy tool to help you identify precisely how baseball your favorite band is.

Suggestions for added bonuses or strikes are welcome in the comments and I will update the quiz as I see fit. Of course, please also share your very important results. Post additions will be noted in italics.

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This is what the Spice Girls meant by 2 becoming 1.

Image courtesy Wikipedia user UCinternational.

This photo, taken last week during Mr. Reyes’ official introduction to the mighty Marlins of Miami, shows Mr. Reyes, amidst all the pomp and circumstance of this happy occasion, transfixed, his gaze caught on something (or someone) unknown to us in the distance. Assuming that he is not blind or a robot, please answer the following question to the best of your ability: What did he see?

A. The contents of the briefcase from Pulp Fiction.
B.  Krampus.
C. A mirror, causing him to finally see how goofy the new Miami uniforms are.
D. Clifford, the big red dog, doing something inappropriate.

Extra Credit: What could have possibly disgusted Ozzie Guillen enough to provoke this facial outburst?

(Here’s a hint: the answer’s Sean Penn)

Did Billy Beane say it?!?

In his Letter to Menoeceus, ancient philosopher Epicurus writes that a wise man “thinks it better to be unfortunate in reasonable action than to prosper in unreason. For it is better in a man’s actions that what is well chosen should fail, rather than that what is ill chosen should be successful owing to chance.”

Discuss the extent to which the above statement applies to recently retired manager Tony LaRussa and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. Also, meditate on the image embedded here and ask yourself — aloud, if you need to — if this is more likely the (a) best or (b) most absurd of all possible worlds.

You have 30 minutes for this section of the test.

I am wagering you, dear reader, just read the above caption in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice.

Do not worry, such is only normal when face-to-monitor-to-face with Arnold’s acting majesty. From his treasure trove of a film archive, most critics agree that A. Schwarzenegger’s best on-screen performance was as the baby-toting lead in Junior, but his second-best feat of ACTING was no doubt his risky portrayal of Mr. Freeze in one of the batman movies oh who really gives a crap.

Well, little-beknownst to, y’know, everyone, Mr. Freeze is in fact the real-life father of base-baller David Freese, who’s unimaginable Game 6 heroics in the 2011 World Series not only amazed a nation (America) and sickened a sub-nation (Texas), but also no-doubt earned the highest marks from his fictional real-life father.

Now, the government removed the cameras I had stowed in Mr. Freeze’s home office, or something, so we are left to our imagination-bones to try to figure out what his immediate reaction was / would have been ’twere he not one of the worst fake super-villains of all time.

Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.

A multitude of thanks to Brian S for the idea, the image, and one of the poll questions. Consider me merely a conduit of his genius.

Good morning, Internet denizens.  Be aware that you will find within the words of this post two pictures.  One of the subjects of said pictures is an 80 year old man who has managed the Chicago Cubs to within a fortnight of the World Series, been touched roughly by the divine hands of Pedro Martinez, and finished exactly two hits shy of the 775 he needed to take up permanent residence in the hall of fame of our hearts.  The other is a little freeloader, who, as of two weeks hence, has taken up residence in my house without paying rent, wreaked havoc with my sleep patterns, peed on my bed, and couldn’t be bothered to use her words.  Can you guess which is the baby and which is the Zim-baby?

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Two points for every “yes” response.

Have you ever…
1. Been in a fantasy league?
2. …more than five in a season?
3. …more than ten?
4. Done a mock draft, just for fun?
5. …even when they stopped being fun?
6. …even while you had other things you knew you should have been doing, and the idea of practicing for a fake thing by doing an even more fake thing made you feel like the most useless person in the world, yet you couldn’t resist?
7. Owned a copy of Ron Shandler’s Baseball Forecaster?
8. …an autographed copy?
9. Told a major league player that he was on your team?
10. …asked him to steal more bases?
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