Fantasy Baseball Team Names, Mine Is Best Duh
Of course it is the fantasy baseball season now.
So, what have you named YOUR team? Carson Cistulli recently mentioned the Second Fangraphs Writers Ottoneu league — here shortened to THE AWESOME LEAGUE — during his podcast with Dayn Perry (FanGraphs Audio: The Gainfully Employed Dayn Perry) and the topic of team names briefly surfaced in their 43 minutes of otherwise unredeemable radio ranting.
There are lots of great fantasy baseball team names out there, and because THE AWESOME LEAGUE (my league) is comprised (a) entirely of writers and (b) partly of NotGraphs writers, who are the beatnik poets of the FanGraphs staff, we NotGraphers have the burdensome task of out-awesoming our peers in the most shortest form of poetry — yes, the fantasy baseball team name.
But, as we are all writers and thereby unreliable, backstabbing, self-loathing types, we cannot be trusted judges of our own team names — it is obviously that mine is best, but still we should put it to a vote and find who is the obviously second and the obviously worstest.
So, dear NotGraphs rabble, speak your soul:
Though I don’t even have like permission to share these THE AWESOME LEAGUE team names, I think we should compel the lowest vote-getter (by, oh, let’s say Wednesday) to change their fantasy team name.
What should they change it too? (tell me in the comments)
9
I named mine The Human Cespedes and think it’s better than all of these.
I’m a sucker for Brass Bonanza though…
Human Cespedes is outstanding. I’m partial to Nyjerz Wit Attitudes myself.
Love The Human Cespedes aswell. If you’re in Pittsburgh Huntington’s Disease is always a winner.
Those are all pretty bad team names.
That’s why you need to suggest a name!
Dick Allen fail
How about “Dan, your Uggla”
you’re*
Anal Hershiser
Or Anel Hershiser
I’m planning on attempting to carry forth a tradition of using former fringey Mets prospects who are expected to play a large role in the upcomming season in my team names. Last year was year one of this tradition, when my team was named “Thole Moley!” and this year I shall move on to “The Dudabides”. However, so as not to give away any potential draft strategy, I always use a proxy name until after the draft–my former band name that also works surprisingly well as a fantasy baseball team name: “The Runs”.
I did this last year with “Niese Guys Finish Last”. Bizarre.
Oh, come on! Where’s the love for the Houston Babies?!?!
I mean, granted, that’s already what the real team is called, but still.
To honor the memory of my late-Dad, a die-hard Brooklyn Dodgers fan, I named my primary auction team:
Ebbets Fielders
When Kosuke Fukudome first signed stateside, I named my rec softball team Welcome to the Fukudome. I don’t play fantasy, but I’d probably stick with that if I did.
I strongly suggest that someone who enjoys tasteless names try out Lincecum Dumpster. For the discerning participant who prefers a less popular player pun, I suggest Blow Your Gload.
hahahahaha
Blow Your Gload just gave me the giggles. May I suggest a slight upgrade to Lincecum Dempster, though?
The Texas Matt Cainsaw Massacre
The Mark Hamburgulars
The Joe West Side Story
Wild Wild Joe West
Chains of Custody
Uecker’s Stalkers
Portrait of Jim Joyce as a Young Man
Balboni Sandwich
Buffalo Chips
Quilvio Veras
Gary Cederstrom & His Orchestra
Professor Farnsworth’s Wonder Salve
Confederacy of Dunn’s's
Nobody f***s with DeJesus
How about the Philadelphia Killa Watts?
my team name this year and my all time personal favorite is Sons a Pitches.
To give the meaning of my team name, I was in a Google doc with another writer and meant to type ‘opposite’ but instead typed ‘poopsite’. He called me out on it.
Ron Santo’s Leg Lamp
Slapnuts
Morning Wood
Fister Pujols
I Cano what you did last summer
Live Nude Youkilis
Soria Sonofabitch
Schilling me softly
Cuddy’er Mak’ers
Brilliant.
Rock Car Direction
Show me the Koufax
Take Maholm Tonight
Steib in the Dark
Dennis Boyd’s 4am Benders
Dukes of Hazzard
Ass Dribble Cabrera’s
And for the more literary minded:
All the Pretty Morse’s
Les Maicer-ables
For Whom the Bell Tholes
Death of a Chris Sale, Man
Corey Hart is a Lonely Hunter
The Santana Verses
My team this year is Grand Admiral Braun. /StarWarsDork.
Mickey D’s Super Happy Fun Time Gang (just because I like having the longest name in my league)
Taking Care of Bryz-ness (or alternatively, Risky Bryz-ness)
St. Peter MacGyver Cult
I like to combine Asian baseball players with insipid romantic comedies. To wit:
- Love, Hak Ju Lee
- He’s Just Not That Shin Soo Choo
He’s just not that Shin Soo Choo is genius.
He’s Just Not That Shin Soo Choo is amazing.
Love, Hak Ju Lee is pretty awesome as well.
I’ve been going with Royals with Cheese this year.
I have also used the Hartford Whalers just to keep the Bonanza Alive.
I love hearing it at Fenway only to be met with blank faces.
Dave and Patrick Awesome names!
Salas Con Queso?
love royals with cheese
The Biggest UZR
Prince Field Sausages (you’d have to be vegan to get that one)
Piquot Farm Implements (obscure Sinclair Lewis reference)
(Three of my teams from last year)
Shin-Soo-sanity
Owner of a lonely Hart
Sad but Choo
Tommy (Hanson) can you hear me?
The Royal TenenBrauns
FTW!! lol
boner of a lonely heart kevin mcreynolds
for the 30 Rock fans these are two i went with last year:
The Rural Juror
ICU81MI
Droppin’ Gloads
The last few years I’ve been just throwing the word “Jock” into something that kind of sounds like “Jock”:
The Jockroaches
The Jockbrokers
Jock of Seagulls
Rock around the Jock
To Kill A Jockingbird
etc.
Lincecum in Her Pujols
Brauny Forehead
To go with the literary theme: Jesus Flores for Algernon
Always Sonny in Grayadelphia
Phil’ies Nuts