Let’s Brainstorm! Fantasy Baseball Team Names
I, for one, think I have a good thing going with my planned fantasy baseball team name for next season: “Kevin Cash Considerations.” Over at RotoHardball, where some colleagues and I (including NotGraphs own Eno Sarris and RotoGraphs’ Zach Sanders) have run a fantasy mock draft. We had a couple of creative names in our group (“Steve Garvey’s Billfish Classic” and “Punxsutawney Phil Hughes” were pretty good I thought), but many lacked spunk (“Sanders’ Squad”? Really, Zach?). It’s become abundantly clear that even though some of us are experts of fantasy baseball, we’re not experts on picking awesome team names.
For that reason, I ask you, the loyal and stalwart NotGraphs reader, to help us, fantasy experts and the fantasy community at large, with this problem which pervades the industry. Submit, for the greater good, excellent fantasy baseball team names so that we can rid our standings page of drab, boring monikers.
Along with “Kevin Cash Considerations,” I would also throw in “Harangutangs,” “Magic Wandies,” and any line from the song from The Simpson’s episode where Mr. Burns hires various MLB players as ringers on the company softball team. “Ken Griffey’s Grotesquely Swollen Jaw”, and “Steve Sax’s Run In With The Law” work particularly well in my opinion.
But enough about me. Commentariat, America is counting on you.
11
My team name last year in all three of my fantasy baseball leagues was “Chasing Utley”, a play on Chase Utley’s name and on the Kevin Smith movie “Chasing Amy”.
This isn’t the wittiest of choices, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to go with “Angels Acquire Vernon Wells”. It will make my league laugh every time they see it.
Is “The Itchy Pujols” already over-played?
Otherwise I’m going to be stuck using “ARod’s Purse” again…
For the last 3 or 4 years I have used “Sell My Grill Manny”
Manny is one of modern day baseballs greatest characters. Any guy who is willing to take a picture next to his neighbor’s grill, say that it is his and include a signed baseball to help increase the selling price of the grill is worthy of fantasy baseball team named after him in my book.
I had stolen one for a few years that i won’t Release here because I didn’t come up with it, but I’ll be changing to ‘Fisk Me’ for the new year
For years, I’ve gone with “The Rio Granderson”
Our league had movie/baseball names last year, based on players on our team. Some of the better ones: Inglorious Bastardos, The Dark Wright, The Braun Supremacy, The Hangoverbay, Shaun of the Dead, and Joakim Tall
I’m going with my old blog name this year: “Basement Dwellers.” Not only represents my likely position in the standings, but also a reference to the fact that all I do is sit in my basement and look at spreadsheets even though “I need to get outside and watch a damn game for once.”
-j
Ever since I read Ball Four, I’ve used the name Beaver Shooters in at least one league a year.
“…and a player to be named Latos”
I’ve always been a fan of the San Jose Cansecos.
I always liked Winnie the Pujols
Heyward Jablowme
Bay-te Rape
The Z’s Knees
Cum in your Jair
Contreras to Popular Belief
Have others, will post after meeting.
my 2 last year was Snooki’s n Cream and PAPelbon Smears
this was for football, but one of our friends has Skittles taste Dewayne Bowe.
Off-topic kind of:
I used to joke that Brodie Croyle’s passes landed “somewhere over Dwayne Bowe.”
Musically Inspired:
A-Rod Lives Underwater
Counting Cromarties
Thomy! Thomi! Thome!
Jon Jay Supremes
The Howie Kendrick Experience
Roll Over Ty Colvin
Little Pink Howsers
Sex & Candelaria
Captain & Emil
Kirby Puckett and the Mistress Slap
Smell the Glove. Spinal Tap and baseball reference.
The Oneders (or spell it The O’Needers if they don’t get the movie reference). I go with this often.
I’ve won a few leagues with Jeters Never Prosper, so I still dust it off from time to time even though it feels campy now.
As a suffering Chad Qualls owner for much of last year, I adopted Chad LOLZ for the second half of the season.
Last year I had Owners of a Loney Hart and Only the Loney. This year one of my teams names is With or without Youk
One of my best was just plain “Doug Fister” but it’s a little dirty.
Liked “Always Wear Clean Hunter Pence”
Tried “The Other Other Escobar” one time, didn’t work so well
“Billy Beane is not My Lover” was pretty good.
Just saw this one: “My Pujols Byrnes.” wow.
My favorite from last year, though no longer as timely: Longorias Basterds
The Fat Bastardos
I went in with “Dunn with Punns” but when I didn’t end up drafting him I switched it to “(Dave) Bush (Brandon) League”
I know it’s hockey, but it’s still a good one:
Don’t Toews Me Bro
Some good baseball ones I’ve used:
Morneau For Pyros
Bourn Supremacy
The Butler Did It
“Morneau For Pyros”
winner
I might be slow, but I don’t get it? Morneau For Pyros? Am I just saying it too slowly or something?
A play on Perry Ferrell’s solo band… Porno For Pyros.
Prono = Morneau
From my friend Scott: “It Byrnes when I Peavy”
Being a huge Sim City fan as a kid, and a FPS gamer as a teen helped develop a love of llamas, so I often use Llamaville Sluggers and Alaskan Alpacas.
Haren my Pujols
DeJesus of Alameda
Former Modesto Nuts
Bum Gardeners
Cody Ross: Dress for Less
Bip Roberts
Manny Ramirez Push Up Bra
Jeter’s Sloppy Seconds
Miguel Cairo Projections
Chone’s Projections
Farnsw0rthl3ss
Ian Desmond Jennings
Tim Spooneybarger’s Comeback
Jose Bautista Canseco
Mike Minor in Possession
Stubbs’ Amputees
Johnny Gomes not Gomez
Jesus of MOntero
Byrnes when I Peavy
A bunch…sorry if I repeat any
What Can Braun Do For You?
Lowe Blowe
Smoak On The Water
Take It In The Buchholz
Holliday Hawks
Pence-Off Dance-Off
Rolen On The River
My friend has come up with some awful ones…
The Dancing Saitos
Cuddyer Haren Eyebrows
The worst one ever:
Youk Kent Doumit!
for this year, I’m going with Yellow Beard Dipping Idiots, which is what Oney Guilley called Bobby Jenks. (It beats out Swell-Headed Bushers, which is what HomeRun Baker called Fred Snodgrass after spiking him twice in one 1911 world series game).
Tulowit to Quit
SlobOnMyKnoblauch
From the annals:
Garvey’s Kids
Margo’s Men
Niekrophiliacs (My fave)
Who Farted? Jorge FabreGAS
A couple good ones in my league:
Ellsbury Doughboys
HanRam Thank You Ma’am
The Braun Supremacy
continuing w/ the player puns theme:
The Knights Who Say Niese
A Pocket Full of Posey
Ned’s Atomic Maybin (yeah obscure 90s band reference)
As a Cubs fans (I’m sorry too) last season I came up with:
Prom Night Dempster Babies
50 cent Wells
My Pujols is Soriano
A Byrd Sh*t On My Car
and this year I’m thinking:
Pena Way Too Much
The Pujols moLesters
I’ve been using this the last couple seasons.
Inglorius Batsters
Cabreras’ bartender
Monostat 007… mine for years. Love it. I hate references to players names in the team name.
My Balls Ichiro
If you have Nich Swisher:
The Swisher Sweets
Aybar 1 To Manny,Miggys my team name.. Also was going to go with A-RodInMikeCameronDiaz
The two I’m using this year:
Magical Warlocks
“No, ‘magical warlock’ is not redundant, THAT’S JUST HOW MAGICAL HE IS. Do the math.” -Charlie Sheen
Gnarly Gnarlingtons
“What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.” -Charlie Sheen
Thanks Chuck.
I Shot Teixeira
Teahan Crumpets
I got a couple that weren’t mentioned…
Zack & Miri Make A Morneau
Votto-Erotic Asphyxiations
That last one is a tribute to the late David Carradine
Ol Dirty Bastardos
Poor Dumb Bastardos
OMG, They Killed Kenny. You BASTARDOS!!!
I think the best fantasy baseball team that i thought for myself is Smoak Some Dope
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I named mine Buster nut in her Posey