Nickname Seeks Player: “Advanced Dungeons & Dragons”
What we do is assign cool nicknames to players rather than perpetuate the tired, lamewad practice of assigning cool players nicknames. Last time out, Mark Hamburger, to the disappointment of many, claimed the nickname “Gomez’s Hamburger.” So Mr. Hamburger — and not Malcolm Clapsaddle, whom taste and horse-sense would seem to endorse — has been added to our Hall of Honouur, which is so stately, so regal, so much itself a celebration of the Norman Conquest, that an extra British-English unstressed “u” is required for proper spelling …
“Bad Miracle” – Wily Mo Peña
“Captain Black Tobacco” – John Danks
“$45 Couch” – Yuniesky Betancourt
“Liván Hernández” – Liván Hernández
“Frog in the Pot” – Carlos Zambrano
“Aqua Velva Man” – Chase Utley
“Victorian Sex Rebel” – John Axford
“Good, Round Friend” – Prince Fielder
“I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass” – Kyle Farnsworth
“Interrobang” – Adrián Beltré
“Turbaconducken” – Ty Wigginton
“Hot Lettuce” – Jeff Mathis
“Gargoyle O’Boyle” – Joba Chamberlain
“Science or Bravery?” – Zack Greinke
“Dionysus with Rabies” – Nyjer Morgan
“The Call Is Coming From Inside the House” – Jon Rauch
“Stainless Steel Meat Hammer” – Dan Uggla
“Soft Corinthian Leather” – Omar Vizquel
“Gomez’s Hamburger” – Malcolm Clapsaddle Mark Hamburger
And the nickname now hanging in the balance? It’s “Advanced Dungeons & Dragons”!
Denotations, Connotations, Implications, Intimations, and Incriminations:
This player strikes you, because of his essence, physicality or almost palpable je ne sais quoi, as something plucked from the world of Dungeons & Dragons. Check that: from the world of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. Does he remind you of a paladin or a kobold or a gourd of mead or a half-elf or a broadsword or a gelatinous cube or a stinking-cloud spell or a minotaur or an owlbear or a +3 Amulet of Sexual Persuasion or a cleric with nothing left to lose? Then he’s a possibility.
Careful, though: it’s a world you may not want to leave …
Prototypes from Baseball’s Gauzy Past:
Felix Jose looked a bit like an orc.
Guiding, Determinative Query:
What current ballplayer, because he is not of this world and perhaps has a monster’s countenance and aroma and hit points, should be nicknamed “Advanced Dungeons & Dragons”?
The convention floor, which is a dungeon with dragons, is open for nominations …
11
Gotta be Halladay
More like T1000, sci-fi rather than fantasy.
Please state your reasons for nominating a certain player. Otherwise, this flawless system might be compromised.
R.A. Dickey is a geek who plays D&D. We can go home now.
I cannot think of anything other than the TV show Community (returning March 15th on NBC) when I think of “Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. The plot of the episode was based around a character named “Fat Neil” and his love of the game Dungeons and Dragons. So how many people could actually mirror such things?
Well, how about Neil Walker of the Pirates? In fact, according to the Wall Street Journal in 2010, he still lived with his parents. And what is more synonymous with D&D than STILL living at home (perhaps in the basement) with his Mom & Dad.
Sure that may not be the criteria you asked for, but that’s my nomination.
I clicked this link because I thought it was Community related…and baseball related.
2 of the greatest things ever
Alison Brie has two of the greatest things ever
nyuk nyuk nyuk
R.A. Dickey. He has named his bat Orcrist, has books in his locker and is a Star Wars fan. Dickey appears to be the most likely player to have played D&D at some point in his life.
seconded, though if curt schilling was still around i might have had to vote for him
There are too many better potential nicknames for Schilling
Better or more offensive? I’m guessing both.
both, most definitely.
R.A.D&D 4 life.
There are those who draw parallels between D&D in teenagers and Fantasy Baseball in grown men. Can we nominate the FBB playing public for this name? Or perhaps FBB in general?
Or perhaps Otto Neu himself.
I’ve never played D&D (Really. My nerdiness takes other forms). But the image I have of some D&D creature in my mind looks an awful lot like Travis Hafner. Plus, he’s nicknamed Pronk, which kind of sounds like the name of some such creature.
Jamie Moyer. Because he needs a nickname and wasn’t Dungeons and Dragons invented in the 30′s? You know, when Moyer was a rookie?
Jamie Moyer’s nickname will ultimately be something like “Eli Wallach’s Grandfather.”
Eric Sogard.
In terms of historic players, Sam “Modoc” Wise takes the proverbial dragon cake.
gotta be Sogard
I feel well qualified to answer this question with an appropriate answer: Kevin Youklis is an Owlbear!
Or the Ki-rin, Peter Bourjos.
Or Roy Halladay as a Mind Flayer….
Jamie Carroll. He looks like a goblin. So does John Lannan. Also, David Ortiz looks like a jolly Orc, or maybe Shrek. Vicente Padilla also reminds me of an ogre. Any of these guys I would nominate.
Definitely Casey McGehee.
http://nbchardballtalk.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/casey-mcgehee.jpg?w=320
Tim Lincecum looks like a half-elf to me. Plus, he’s always wearing that hood over his head, which makes him look like some kind of magical wizard. Also, he needs a better nickname than “The Freak.” That’s just stupid.
I’m behind that. Lincecum looks like a character from a fictional world, indeed.
http://7is.neswblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Tim-Lincecum-Giants-Snuggie.jpg
Heath Bell. He’s a pretty big nerd and you know he used to play Dungeons and Dragons. Probably still does…
David Ortiz looks like a Slaad, which is a truly horrifying, powerful D&D monster no adventuring party wants to face. I suppose he already has a nickname, however, and is thus exempt?
An example of a Slaad:
http://tinyurl.com/75cc6b7
Brian Wilson.
OKay, you’ve gone through 8 innings of elf like creatures (Lincecum). You’ve finally reached the end when a dude with an enormous beard comes out, says some weird stuff, beats you. Also his friend looks like something you’d find as well:
http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/images/11/2012/01/61f8c11bc313cfafc7938850198ea27f.jpg
Dusty Baker, asshole dungeon master who enjoys ruining the careers of exiting lvl 21 rookies
I can see already this will be a close one. No-one’s mentioned the short people,
so I give you Dustin Pedroia:
http://cdn.bleacherreport.com/images_root/image_pictures/0326/6166/105642_crop_340x234.jpg
https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTuUSBYLK9cT2bnkVa7TLgvyhPXpmi-JUB_Ty_3tt7DaAcVZ1lY
Dude’s definitely half-hobbit. And he’s a hero.
The shortest MLB player right now is Jose Altuve at 5’5”. Or my height in the 5th grade. He could be half hobbit.
Solid selections all around, R.A. Dickey because he’s R.A. Dickey, Vincente Padilla because he’s clearly the smartest guy out there, we could also go Derek Lowe, for posterity.
R.A. Definitely – he even goes on perilous quests during the off-season.
His name is already Real Advanced Dungeons and Dickey, are we actually adding anything here?
Hat tip to Gary “Gygax” Gaetti
Jason Motte is hirsute and burly enough to fit the D&D stereotype. Especially if he chooses Red Fang’s “Preshistoric Dog” as his entrance music. Look it up, because I can’t access You Tube at work.
Austin Kearns has giant hobbit ears.
Nyjer Morgan-orc. For comparison:
http://ology.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/post-image/nyjer-morgan-brewers1-175×175.jpg
http://berndpulch.de/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/orc.jpg
Yep, gotta be RA Dickey. Besides all of the previously posted reasons, the knuckleball is basically a mythical beast.
David Eckstein. Hes short, shrimpy, pasty white (who would have guessed he played in San Diego?), has less power than Juan Pierre, less arm strength than Jamie Moyer, looks like hes the junior in high school but hasn’t hit puberty yet…in fact, I think I bullied David Eckstein as a child. I’d used to say, “WEDGIE!” And he’d say, “Ow, don’t do that! I’m gonna be a major leaguer one day and I’ll show you!”
Is David Eckstein applicable? Isn’t he retired?
Well I guess he showed you then
Class 4 Knuckleball Mage
This totally could have been Greinke.