T-Shirt Wars

by Eno Sarris - April 29, 2011

What a Salvo.

It all started so innocently. Or, as innocent as intense sartorial mocking can be.

A fan site for the Cardinals posted a great shirt idea:
Mike Leake STOLE THIS SHIRT FOR ME.

The response came quickly, a surgical strike:
Tony LaRussa WALKED THE LINE AND FAILED.

Then the Cardinals site dropped a T-Shirt bomb of snark on their opponents, including the genius above. With the balance now obviously shifted in the battle, perhaps the underdogs need a little help?

Incredibly important note: I am not taking sides in this inevitably long and drawn out battle. I’m just making gentle suggestions from afar. Gentle. Suggestions.

Tony La Russa WANTS TO SEE YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE
Colby Rasmus MADE HIS FATHER PUNCH TONY LARUSSA
Ryan Franklin FOUND YOUR LOST SQUIRREL ON HIS FACE
Matt Holliday IS TOO BLAND TO MAKE FUN OF
Lance Berkman ATE YOUR ELVIS

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In addition to managing the RotoGraphs blog here, Eno Sarris also writes for RotoWorld and AmazinAvenue. Follow his misadventures in writing on Twitter @enosarris or www.enosarris.com.

14 Responses to “T-Shirt Wars”

1. Temo says:

   April 29, 2011 at 10:49 am

   Matt Holliday HAS NO APPENDIX
   

   

   Reply
2. Yirmiyahu says:

   April 29, 2011 at 10:52 am

   Ouch. That’s harsh, man.
   

   

   Reply
   • Yirmiyahu says:

     April 29, 2011 at 10:52 am

     @ Temo
     

     

     Reply
3. Dan says:

   April 29, 2011 at 11:18 am

   “Ryan Franklin will use this shirt to wipe his tears after he blows yet another save.”

   Is that too verbose
   

   

   Reply
   • ElJosharino says:

     April 29, 2011 at 11:22 am

     I was thinking:

     Ryan Franklin: COULDN’T SAVE FERRIS

     Or how about just a picture of Pujols in a Cubs uni? No caption needed.
     

     

     Reply
     • Temo says:

       April 29, 2011 at 11:37 am

       It’s been done: http://www.joesportsfanstl.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/pujols-cubs-jersey-575×383.jpg

       Also, it’s mean.
       

       

       Reply
       • Yirmiyahu says:

         April 29, 2011 at 11:46 am

         Mean to who? Pujols?
         

         

         Reply
     • Bryz says:

       April 30, 2011 at 12:55 am

       I like that idea.
       

       

       Reply
       • Bryz says:

         April 30, 2011 at 12:55 am

         (Couldn’t save Ferris)
         

         

         Reply
4. robertobeers says:

   April 29, 2011 at 3:32 pm

   Matt Holliday had character before he lost his appendix.
   https://secure.mlb.com/media/player/mp_tpl_3_1.jsp?w_id=518382&w=2006/open/tp/archive09/091906_sfncol_holliday_hr_tp_350.wmv&pid=mlb_tp&gid=2006/09/19/sfnmlb-colmlb-1&mid=200609191671946&cid=mlb&fid=mlb_tp350&v=2

   That was the longest home run of 2006 at 498 feet. YEA BITCH YEA BITCH YEA BITCH
   

   

   Reply
5. PG says:

   April 30, 2011 at 3:45 am

   I want this shirt.

   http://www.southsidesox.com/2011/1/23/1951185/alexei-ramirez-meets-the-alexei-shirt-a-photo-vignette
   

   

   Reply
6. PG says:

   April 30, 2011 at 4:04 am

   What about a picture of Tony LaRussa with the caption:

   You better have another beer….BEFORE YOU DRIVE HOME THOSE RUNS
   

   

   Reply
7. Adrastus Perkins says:

   April 30, 2011 at 2:54 pm

   Brandon Webb CAN’T GET IT UP. (64.3 % GB rate)
   

   

   Reply
8. fordkj19 says:

   May 14, 2011 at 1:56 am

   how about:
   LET’S GO SHINGLES!!!
   

   

   Reply