Inserting Baseball into the Most-Viewed Times‘ Articles

Hood
This beautiful and autumnal neighborhood is almost certainly populated by Times‘ readers.

Demographic research conducted by Media Matrix suggests that the average reader of the New York Times online is 47, well educated, and earns approximately $75 thousand per annum.

Similar research — in this case, conducted by the author’s own unbridled imagination — is pretty sure that the average Times reader is an impossibly beautiful coed with flawless skin and radiant smile from either Brookline, MA, or Briarcliff Manor, NY.

In either case — and for reasons that present themselves — this is a demographic to which the present weblog very much wants to appeal. “How, though?” is the question which has haunted the author-editor like a haunting idea or thought — until today, that is, when the answer presented itself like a head brought in upon a platter, except less gross.

“Merely insert the word baseball into all the Times‘ most-read articles,” whispered the voice of capital-W Wisdom.

“And then publish that,” it continued whisperingly, “for to create a perfect storm of SEO magic.”

Never one to ignore the disembodied voice of an abstract concept — regardless of the gaping holes in its logic — the author took immediately to the internet and acted upon its (i.e. Wisdom’s) advice. The results are below. The results of the results remain to be seen, although optimism abounds.

To wit:

1. Chilling Look at Baseball, but No ‘Why’
2. Backlash by the Bay: Tech Riches Alter Baseball
3. American Dreamer on 42nd Street Who Fled From Baseball
4. Obama Signals a Shift From Military Might to Baseball
5. California, Here We Baseball?
6. Baseball Makes You Smart
7. Inquiry in Cover-Up of Ohio Baseball Yields Indictment of Four Adults
8. Sticking by a Baseball Brother, and Paying for It Dearly
9. Beastie Boys Fight Online Video Parody of ‘Baseball
10. Nuclear Accord With Iran Opens Diplomatic Doors in Baseball




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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Nolan
Guest
Nolan
2 years 6 months ago

I would read the HELL out of “American Dreamer on 42nd Street Who Fled From Baseball”

That sounds epic.

The Return of Rambo Diaz
Guest
The Return of Rambo Diaz
2 years 6 months ago
cass
Guest
cass
2 years 6 months ago

This would be better without ‘baseball’ in bold. Let the reader stumble upon it as a surprise in each headline rather than know exactly where it’s going to be ahead of time. Just make a quick edit to remove the bold. Trust me.

MJanik
Member
MJanik
2 years 6 months ago

Who knew the Beastie Boys had Ken Burns’ back?

A Guy
Guest
A Guy
2 years 6 months ago

#6, I KNEW it!

Ken
Guest
Ken
2 years 6 months ago

What about inserting it into a classic Daily News headline?
“Ford to City: Drop Baseball!”

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