Inserting Dick Allen’s Name Into Works of Literature

There was a fine tradition established in 2011 in which Dick Allen found himself inserted forcefully, but sensually, into various great works of literature spanning many eras and genres.  And thereby did we elevate those works to heights of literary genius previously unseen by man’s imperfect eyes.

It is with pride, then, that the Royal We happily carry this tradition on into what is sure to be a most historic new year of inserting Dick Allen’s name into various works representative of the Western Canon, thus adding to those various works the patina of blessedness.

Today, Dick Allen’s name goes to war, inserted into Ernest Hemingway’s In Our Time, and a mystery is solved:

Chapter VII

While the bombardment was knocking the trench to pieces at Fossalta, he lay very flat and sweated and prayed oh dick allen get me out of here.  Dear dick allen please get me out.  Allen please please please allen.  If you’ll only keep me from getting killed I’ll do anything you say.  I believe in you and I’ll tell every one in the world that you are the only one that matters.  Please please dear dick.  The shelling moved further up the line.  We went to work on the trench and in the morning the sun came up and the day was hot and muggy and cheerful and quiet.  The next night back at Mestre he did not tell the girl he went upstairs with at the Villa Rossa about Dick.  And he never told anybody.

And now we know why Dick Allen is not in the Hall of Fame.  Nobody ever gave him credit for anything.

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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here:

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Dick Allen is too good for the Hall of Fame, which is full of mere mortals. He should be enshrined on Mount Olympus.


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