Inserting Dick Allen’s Name Into Works of Literature

In which the Royal We insert Dick Allen’s name into various works representative of the Western Canon, thus adding to those various works the patina of blessedness.

In today’s episode, Mr. Dick Allen wanders — but wanders with purpose — into Arthur Rimbaud’s aria of the debauched, “Evening Prayer” …

I spent my life sitting, like an angel in a barber’s chair,
Holding a beer mug with deep-cut designs,
My neck and gut both bent, while in the air
A weightless veil of pipe smoke hangs.

Like steaming dung within an old dovecote
A thousand Dreams within me softly burn:
From time to time my heart is like some oak
Whose blood runs golden where a branch is torn.

And then, when I have swallowed down my Dreams
In thirty, forty mugs of beer, I turn
To satisfy a need I can’t ignore,

And like the Lord of Hyssop and Myrrh
I piss into the skies, a soaring stream
That consecrates Dick Allen’s shoes.

This has been the latest episode of Inserting Dick Allen’s Name Into Works of Literature.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


3 Responses to “Inserting Dick Allen’s Name Into Works of Literature”

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  1. Chris says:

    This is both beautiful and disturbing.

    Who would piss on Dick Allen’s shoes? Look at him! He is cooler than cool, that’s one hep cat my brother. One does not consecrate Dick Allen’s shoes with one’s urine.

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    • Dainer's Hubris says:

      Chris, I think you’re reading this sublime piece of poetry too literally; to wit, I find it to be quite complimentary to Dick Allen.
      Let us examine : where is Dick Allen situated? Dick Allen is in the sky – lording above us mere mortals. While Allen’s deeds in life may have been those of a sinner, the degree to which he excelled at them has apparently granted him access to a perch amongst the clouds.

      Rimbaud reinforces this image of Dick Allen’s godliness in the next two lines. Typically, when one thinks of consecrated shoes, one thinks of bronzed shoes of babies. However, in this instance, with what have Dick Allen’s shoes been consecrated? A *golden stream*! Bronze is a mere alloy; gold is the most precious of metals (and please, platinum fans, spare us your protestations – I don’t see people tripping over themselves converting their assets to platinum in this age of insecurity!).

      Well done, Dayn.

      Sincerest regards, Dain

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      • Chris says:

        See, in my interpretation, Dick Allen was earth bound. The stream of urine was lofted, not unlike a softball, into the air only to have it’s return to the earth interrupted by the presence of Dick Allen’s shoes.

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