Introducing Johntasy Baseball

It’s Johntasy Baseball, the game where you draft a roster of pitchers, and when they all undergo Tommy John surgery, you win! Sounds easy, right? Especially since Tommy John Surgery is like the new Neck Tattoo. Trendy, painful, and pretty terrible to watch. But there’s more! What if someone on your roster just wants to rest and rehab? Why, that’s worth points too — and then extra points when he ultimately has the surgery anyway? Someone on your team sent to Dr. Andrews for an evaluation? Points! MRI? Points! Disabled for a generic-sounding soreness issue that you’re pretty sure is going to end in surgery eventually? Chris Sale, you’re scoring the saddest points of them all! Rehab setback? Points! Start pushed back? Points! Does he even have an elbow ligament anymore? Points! With Johntasy Baseball, everyone wins, except everyone!



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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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a eskpert
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a eskpert

WHY IS THERE NOT A NOTGRAPHS ARTICLE DETAILING THE MARVELOUS EXPLOITS OF BILLY HAMILTON, WHO HAS PASSED THE SLUGGING BEN REVERE IN CAREER HOME RUNS.

Frank
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Frank

Hopeless Joe’s first round draft pick?: R.A. Dickey

Some guy
Guest
Some guy

He’ll never need Tommy John, though.

dee.gordon
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dee.gordon

Damn, this should be an Onion article. An Onion Sports article.

Jenstrom
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Jenstrom

Ah, the Pessimist’s League. Baseball is situated in failure, so why not?

KJ
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KJ

They really ought to rename it Dr. Andrews Surgery. I mean, he IS the guy performing it.

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