Introducing “Pete Rise”

If you will, please regard the following post that was emblazoned upon to the Facebook page of CBSSports.com’s Eye On Baseball — the home for all baseball fans …

Pete Rise Is Born

Pete Rise! The accidental genius of auto-correct or inspired creation? It matters not. For Pete Rise now walks among us.

“Pete Rose” of course embodies the full complement of what it means to be Pete Rose — the brilliance afield, the post-1984 humiliations afield, the gambling, the chronic dishonesty, the “soft sociopathy” native to his character, the fierce loyalists he inspired. Pete Rose, that is to say, is a mixed bag.

But Pete Rise? Pete Rise can be considered a subset of Pete Rose — a subset most pleasing, it turns out. Pete Rise was both cocksure and sure of cock …

Pete, Rising

Pete, Rising Still

While opinions will vary on the merits of Pete Rose, we can agree that Pete Rise belongs in both the Baseball Hall of Fame and the Hall of Fame of Plans Hatched.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

20 Responses to “Introducing “Pete Rise””

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  1. triple_r says:

    Is this what you do with your life?

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  2. James says:

    I think the most annoying part of this whole Biogenesis thing are these people who use it as an argument to either say “ban everyone” or “bring Pete Rose back”.

    Guy bet on baseball and agreed to the punishment.

    On the other hand, all Pete Rise did was have sex with three female travel agents in between the third and fourth innings of his final World Series before wrestling a bear who was wrestling Kyle Farnsworth. He beat both.

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    • Guy says:

      important to denote that they were in fact female travel agents

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      • frivoflava29 says:

        A minor caveat in that nobody present actually affirmed the said notion, but it still can be said that Pete Rise most probably had sex with three travel agents of a female variety

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  3. MTUCache says:

    You missed the most critical detail of this entire story… who is that fly Shaft Killa in the shades, rocking the 6″ Don Cherry collar and smuggling cucumbers in his white pants?

    That is one GQMF right there peoples… testify!

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  4. The Return of Rambo Diaz says:

    how does one man determine the faith of a player when he discrimates against who he does not like.

    I have it on good word that this, in fact, is the first line of the lost fourth verse of Dylan’s Blowin’ in the Wind.

    +9 Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Dauber says:

    And yet rise is what those pants in the second photo are severely lacking.

    Also, Shakespeare said it best:
    For if the sun breed maggots in a dead dog, it breed chimp hair on Pete Rise’s arms.

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  6. AlexandertheMeh says:

    Hire Joe Morgan’s Tailor

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  7. This is me with all my baseball bats. This one is me with my soda. I’m Pete Rise! (This is funny to me now but will likely not be funny to me by sunrise.)

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  8. My best friend’s mother grew up in Cincinnati and once hooked up with Peter whilst living at home during her post-freshman summer at Cincinnati State Technical and Community College.

    Her father, a large Peter supporter, took this photo the morning after Peter and said nubile hustled all about her nubilic base paths: http://guysgirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/petey-rose.jpg

    really, though, is there anyone in the world whose homepage isn’t the google image search for Pete Rose? https://www.google.com/search?q=pete+rose&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&authuser=0&ei=VqoRUr7CKqTX2QXDnIDYDQ&biw=1600&bih=799&sei=6qsRUtmANIm02gWR-IAg

    I’m sorry if I’ve ruined your guys’ personal internet :/

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  9. Resolution says:

    Anyone: Hey Pete Rise, can I borrow a fuck?

    Pete Rise: Sorry, I don’t give fucks.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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