Introducing “Pete Rise”

If you will, please regard the following post that was emblazoned upon to the Facebook page of CBSSports.com’s Eye On Baseball — the home for all baseball fans …

Pete Rise Is Born

Pete Rise! The accidental genius of auto-correct or inspired creation? It matters not. For Pete Rise now walks among us.

“Pete Rose” of course embodies the full complement of what it means to be Pete Rose — the brilliance afield, the post-1984 humiliations afield, the gambling, the chronic dishonesty, the “soft sociopathy” native to his character, the fierce loyalists he inspired. Pete Rose, that is to say, is a mixed bag.

But Pete Rise? Pete Rise can be considered a subset of Pete Rose — a subset most pleasing, it turns out. Pete Rise was both cocksure and sure of cock …

Pete, Rising

Pete, Rising Still

While opinions will vary on the merits of Pete Rose, we can agree that Pete Rise belongs in both the Baseball Hall of Fame and the Hall of Fame of Plans Hatched.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


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triple_r
Member
2 years 11 months ago

Is this what you do with your life?

James
Guest
James
2 years 11 months ago

I think the most annoying part of this whole Biogenesis thing are these people who use it as an argument to either say “ban everyone” or “bring Pete Rose back”.

Guy bet on baseball and agreed to the punishment.

On the other hand, all Pete Rise did was have sex with three female travel agents in between the third and fourth innings of his final World Series before wrestling a bear who was wrestling Kyle Farnsworth. He beat both.

Guy
Guest
Guy
2 years 11 months ago

important to denote that they were in fact female travel agents

frivoflava29
Member
frivoflava29
2 years 11 months ago

A minor caveat in that nobody present actually affirmed the said notion, but it still can be said that Pete Rise most probably had sex with three travel agents of a female variety

MTUCache
Guest
MTUCache
2 years 11 months ago

You missed the most critical detail of this entire story… who is that fly Shaft Killa in the shades, rocking the 6″ Don Cherry collar and smuggling cucumbers in his white pants?

That is one GQMF right there peoples… testify!

A-Rod's Undisclosed Labrum Tear
Guest
A-Rod's Undisclosed Labrum Tear
2 years 11 months ago

You mean the dude standing right next to Barry Bonds? Is that actually Bobby Bonds? Man, that looks like him.

Gomer
Guest
Gomer
2 years 11 months ago

Bobby Bonds? I’d have said Captain (Joe) Morgan. No idea on the well dressed/hung pimp.

The Return of Rambo Diaz
Guest
The Return of Rambo Diaz
2 years 11 months ago

how does one man determine the faith of a player when he discrimates against who he does not like.

I have it on good word that this, in fact, is the first line of the lost fourth verse of Dylan’s Blowin’ in the Wind.

Dauber
Member
Member
Dauber
2 years 11 months ago

And yet rise is what those pants in the second photo are severely lacking.

Also, Shakespeare said it best:
For if the sun breed maggots in a dead dog, it breed chimp hair on Pete Rise’s arms.

AlexandertheMeh
Member
AlexandertheMeh
2 years 11 months ago

Hire Joe Morgan’s Tailor

PerformanceEnhancingHugs
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

This is me with all my baseball bats. This one is me with my soda. I’m Pete Rise! (This is funny to me now but will likely not be funny to me by sunrise.)

MikeS
Guest
MikeS
2 years 11 months ago

Yeah. “Soda.”

Blueyays
Member
Member
Blueyays
1 year 5 months ago

I hope this was a Losing My Religion reference… Because otherwise, I need to reconsider myself.

PerformanceEnhancingHugs
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

My best friend’s mother grew up in Cincinnati and once hooked up with Peter whilst living at home during her post-freshman summer at Cincinnati State Technical and Community College.

Her father, a large Peter supporter, took this photo the morning after Peter and said nubile hustled all about her nubilic base paths:

really, though, is there anyone in the world whose homepage isn’t the google image search for Pete Rose? https://www.google.com/search?q=pete+rose&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&authuser=0&ei=VqoRUr7CKqTX2QXDnIDYDQ&biw=1600&bih=799&sei=6qsRUtmANIm02gWR-IAg

I’m sorry if I’ve ruined your guys’ personal internet :/

PerformanceEnhancingHugs
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

Here’s Pete in the vanilla position. When you play in the Midwest, you don’t need to do anything fancy. You just show up to the ballpark every day and do your g$!%^n job.

Again, I’m sorry. I’ll stop.

Dauber
Member
Member
Dauber
2 years 11 months ago

Pete Rise gets to third base with second base.

John R.
Guest
John R.
2 years 11 months ago

Head first!

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
2 years 11 months ago

Anyone: Hey Pete Rise, can I borrow a fuck?

Pete Rise: Sorry, I don’t give fucks.

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