Both uncles and also people who just look like uncles are frequently overheard uttering with some pleasure that, in this life, only two things are certain: death and taxes.
Of course, this is not entirely the case. One can be certain, for example, that my colleague Dayn Perry has hepatitis. One can also be certain, for example, that Perry has another kind of hepatitis, too — different than the first kind you were originally thinking about.
Concerned reader Phillip Lancaster notes another point to which we might ascribe some considerable degree of certainty — namely, that predominantly bare-chested Boston first baseman Mike Napoli is Italian. We know, in part, because he was abandoned shortly after his birth, along with his twin brother; suckled as an infant by a she-wolf; and raised by a shepherd and his wife. We know, in other part, because of the image provided by Lancaster and embedded here for the Enjoyment of the Readership.
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