Is Mike Napoli Italian?


Both uncles and also people who just look like uncles are frequently overheard uttering with some pleasure that, in this life, only two things are certain: death and taxes.

Of course, this is not entirely the case. One can be certain, for example, that my colleague Dayn Perry has hepatitis. One can also be certain, for example, that Perry has another kind of hepatitis, too — different than the first kind you were originally thinking about.

Concerned reader Phillip Lancaster notes another point to which we might ascribe some considerable degree of certainty — namely, that predominantly bare-chested Boston first baseman Mike Napoli is Italian. We know, in part, because he was abandoned shortly after his birth, along with his twin brother; suckled as an infant by a she-wolf; and raised by a shepherd and his wife. We know, in other part, because of the image provided by Lancaster and embedded here for the Enjoyment of the Readership.

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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

9 Responses to “Is Mike Napoli Italian?”

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  1. Phill Lancaster says:

    I knew this would tug at your Italian heart(spaghetti)strings. I’m honored.

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  2. Alexander Nevermind says:

    Hey Mike, this is America. Please change your surname to Naples in accordance.

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  3. So many questions says:

    I wish I understood.

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  4. JaysIn2013 says:

    I do know one thing….. Mike, do up your shirt, that is why the buttons are there…. I was watching a game last week and thought I was watching the “B-o-o-n” team play and started wondering how long I was napping. Napoli puts the ‘stop’, as in ‘STop wearing your shirt like that”. It is supposed to say ‘BOSTON’, not ‘BOON’.

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  5. Buttermaker says:

    If the prominent Italian city as a surname isn’t a giveaway, the lack of chest coverage displaying a gold chain is. I’m wondering if he is known as Mikey Knuckles in certain circles.

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  6. hamjenkinsIII says:

    Heard teh NESN guys are sans pants already kinda

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  7. steve says:

    If he undid any more buttons you could see his Napolis.

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  8. Canuck says:

    The Near-Naked Neapolitan?

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  9. Carmine says:

    Napoletano !!

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