Jeff Huson, Disapproving Pastor

Study closely the countenance of American Baseball Broadcaster Jeff Huson …

You’ll note the solemn look of disapproval in tandem with the finest in Evangelical’s Choice Menswear and Hair Tonic.

The entirety of it provides Huson with a mise en scène that is known variously as “Pastor Cocaine” or “Comptroller of Jonestown.” The look suggests a glowering reproach directed not at unruly adolescents but rather at the repugnant iniquities of those Mather brothers, Cotton and Increase. It also suggests a long history of groped receptionists and several powdery lines of fucking primo white lady followed by sweaty prayers hollered into a cordless microphone.

In closing, Jeff Huson might be going to hell but not before he sends you there.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

6 Responses to “Jeff Huson, Disapproving Pastor”

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  1. Choo says:

    I fire-walked the hot coals of his eyes . . . and just before I died a little on the inside, Jeff Huson turned into Little Nicky.

    He still hasn’t turned back to Jeff Huson yet . . .

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  2. reillocity says:

    That’s the same look that my childhood doctor gave me when I mistakenly coughed and then turned my head.

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  3. Mr. Smooth says:

    He’s currently suspected in a string of murders of trans-sexual prostitutes.

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  4. Big Jgke says:

    I drink Jeff Huson’s milkshake.

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  5. Goodman: Say Jeff, you think the Dodgers will hold on to the NL West?

    Huson: It is said, that when that due time, or appointed time comes, their foot shall slide. Then they shall be left to fall as they are inclined by their own weight. God won’t hold them up in these slippery places any longer, but will let them go; and then, at that very instant, they shall fall into destruction; as he that stands in such slippery declining ground on the edge of a pit that he can’t stand alone, when he is let go he immediately falls and is lost.

    Goodman:So, that leaves the Giants?

    Huson: Divine justice says of the tree that brings forth such grapes of Sodom, Cut it down, why cumbreth it the ground, Luk. 13. 7. They are already under a sentence of condemnation to hell. They don’t only justly deserve to be cast down thither; but the sentence of the law of God, that eternal and immutable rule of righteousness that God has fixed between him and mankind, is gone out against them, and stands against them; so that they are bound over already to hell.

    Goodman: Arizona will be pleased to hear it, what would you tell the Diamondbacks at this point in the season?

    Huson: The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect, over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked; his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times so abominable in his eyes as the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours.

    Goodman: Well, let’s finish up with your World Series prediction

    Huson:God hath had it on his heart to shew to Angels how excellent his love is.

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  6. RA Rowe says:

    Lookie here pa! I found the only place on the Internet where the comments don’t turn into an pointless and poorly argued debate between offended toddlers over whether or not sky man exists.

    I am so proud of you, my brothers. Reproduce until your giggle berries wither into peppercorns.

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