Job Posting: Systems Architect, Baseball Analytics — My Fantasy Team (New York, NY)

Systems Architect, Baseball Analytics – My Fantasy Team (New York, NY)

Reports to Director, Baseball Analytics

My fantasy team is seeking a highly motivated data architect, systems developer, and flexible user of a very old version of Microsoft Excel to deliver analytics solutions to determine how to convert the league’s complex scoring system into actual concrete advice as far as who to draft, who to trade, and who to bench each week. This individual will also support projects for broader business operations, including desk maintenance and meal preparation. The ideal applicant will be able to manage multiple concurrent projects and blend quietly into the corner of the room.


Develop interfaces, data imports, and/or other ETL processes for identified data sources
Apply database design and warehousing best practices to enterprise environment
Remind me when the weekly lineup deadline is
Prevent me from drafting Jason Bay
Convert “I am staring at other people’s rosters” into a more reasonable excuse to my wife for why I can’t take out the trash right now
Take out the trash
Understand data and be able to explain data structures and relationships to other members of family
Ensure that systems and solutions are in line with organizational objectives
Respond to trade inquiries in a timely manner
Other related duties as assigned


Track record of fantasy baseball victoriousness or equivalent experience is required
Specialized training or certifications are a plus
Ability to work evening, weekend, and holiday hours during the baseball season is a must
Excellent interpersonal and communications skills and ability to interact and work with staff at all levels
Experience with the following tools, platforms and business data:
o The oldest version of Excel you’ve ever seen
o A solar calculator
o Microsoft Word ’97
o Pen and paper
o An old edition of Who’s Who In Baseball


Note: When you apply for this job online, you will be required to answer the following questions:

1. Will you not make too much of a mess in my kitchen?
2. Will you always remember to leave the toilet seat down?
3. Are you good at setting the DVR with the appropriate amount of overrun so I don’t miss the last 3 innings of every game I ever decide to tape?
4. Can you stop me from trading for Todd Helton a week before his back acts up, every single year?
5. You’re not annoying, right?

Thanks for your interest in the position.

Print This Post

Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted

Damnit, I had this in the bag until the final question. I’m afraid I am extremely annoying.


you should try trading for Todd Helton the week after his back acts up.