Jose Bautista – Also Good at Internetting

I make no secret of my soaring admiration for all things Jose Bautista, for whom my love is both boundless and without bound. As such I was pleased to learn that Joey Bats is as adept at Internetting as he is at smiting cowhide orbs over fencing.

If you follow Mr. Bautista on Twitter — and, oh, you should — then you’ll be familiar with his frequent use of the #beastmode hash tag. I don’t know what the mode of beasts is, but when Mr. Bautista proclaims he is in said mode, I take him at his word. However, an unfortunate lil’ buckaroo named Tyler Broderick would very much prefer that Mr. Bautista not enter beastmode ever again:

@JoeyBats19 stop using beastmode in every tweet. Only members of the SH goon squad are aloud to do so you faggot

I have no idea what the “SH goon squad” is, but my working assumption is that members in good standing can’t read Dropkick Murphys liner notes without moving their lips. Take it away, Joey Bats …

Douchemode, indeed. Back to you, Tyler!

@JoeyBats19 I didn’t spell anything wrong bro SH stands for South Hadley. My boy Ryan Horstman is gonna be striking your ass out in 4 years

At this point, the discerning observer will discerningly observe that young Tyler is being ridiculed for confusing “aloud” with “allowed,” and not for abbreviating the name of his facking hometown.

What’s next? Naturally, young Tyler, after calling Mr. Bautista an English bundle of sticks, will enter #mewlingbabykittenmode and meow about how Jose Bautista was mean to him.

At this point, I declare, in my finest Judge Lance Ito fashion, two things: One, Jose Bautista is much better at Internetting than Tyler Broderick is, and , two, Ryan Horstman will never, ever strike out Jose Bautista.

Also, despite declarations to the contrary, no, young Tyler, America does not have your back in this one.



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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


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dew
Guest
dew

LOL at “DouchMode”… #stillcantspell

tdotsports1
Guest

Keith Law got into pretty good last night debating the AL MVP. It appears he is leaning Jose Bautista, which of course ticked off Red Sox fans (Ellsbury, AGonz) and Yankees fans (Granderson).

It’s going to be a great internet WAR when that is announced.

futurecfo
Member

Wordplay!!

EDogg1438
Guest
EDogg1438

Why are Red Sox fans supporting AGon, and especially Ellsbury, over Pedroia?

I think the fact that there are 3 Boston players in “consideration” for MVP really lowers just how “valuable” they can individually be to the team, unless the rest of the team was complete garbage, which obviously they aren’t.

I fully expected AGon to win it, but maybe the 3 Sawx will split the vote and Bautista will somehow eek it out.

Brandon
Guest

And anyone who reads Fangraphs knows, RBI = MVP. Clearly the most important individual stat in baseball (suck it, Wins and Saves!)

Keith Law
Guest

Looks like he took down the tweet where he whined to me about how Bautista was “an ass.” Whatever that kid got on Twitter after I replied to him, he deserved.

Tommy Lasordas Pasta
Member
Tommy Lasordas Pasta

I’m not one for feeding the trolls, but that guy definitely deserved whatever he got. I wish there was a “douche test” to be able to get on the internet.

juan pierres mustache
Member
Member

should just start using #SHgoonmode instead of #beastmode

ju1ced
Guest
ju1ced

lol #SHgoonmode

Drew
Guest
Drew

What did the kid’s tweet say where he whined? We can’t read it anymore.

Desert Rat
Guest
Desert Rat

He tweeted to Keith Law “speaking of Bautista.. Dude is an ass. This is what he tweeted at me”, then included a picture of the JoeyBats tweet. Keith retweeted to his legions, saying “you had it coming.”

So obviously this kid uses terrible judgment throughout — but thinking he was going to get sympathy from Keith Law has to be near the top of the bad decisions list, right? Had he ever even read Keith before?

glassSheets
Guest
glassSheets

To the best of my knowledge “Beast Mode” was first introduced by Transformers going into “beast mode” when they were about to fight. During his days in Buffalo, Marshawn Lynch started going into “Beast Mode” when games started. Juvenile also came out with an album in 2010 called “Beast Mode”.

Transformers, Marshawn Lynch, and Juvenile have no connection to South Hadley or the aforementioned goon squad that I am aware of.

AndyS
Guest
AndyS

This is accurate. The Transformers thing. In Beast Wars.

AndyS
Guest
AndyS

Although actually I kinda think beast mode was when they were not fighting.

glassSheets
Guest
glassSheets

I’ll take your word for it considering I have not seen anything Transformers related. My “knowledge” of Beast Mode stems solely from Marshawn Lynch.

Carson Cistulli
Admin
Member

My main thought is how awesome it’d be if Jose Bautista actually were gay.

Rohan
Guest
Rohan

He has a wife and a newborn.

J. B. Rainsberger
Guest

Those facts raise the probability of heterosexuality, but don’t make it conclusive.

juan pierre's mustache
Guest
juan pierre's mustache

it takes 8.7 years of marriage for sexual orientation statistics to become statistically significant

ElJosharino
Member
ElJosharino

‘Stache, I love you man.

matt w
Guest
matt w

South Hadley seems to be best known for Mt. Holyoke College and the bullying-induced suicide of an Irish girl. Tough, it does not scream.

Anonymoose
Guest
Anonymoose

The Phoebe Prince thing was ridiculously overblown. The prosecutor on that case should be disbarred for even bringing it. It’s pretty apparent that it was a tragedy that didn’t stem from malice. See Emily Bazelon’s excellent series: http://www.slate.com/id/2260952/entry/2260953

I’m personally from Springfield, so this kid talking like South Hadley is tough really amuses me. What a shitheel.

Jose
Guest
Jose

Someone get the college (highschool?) stats on this Hortsman kid

futurecfo
Member

http://www.gazettenet.com/2010/07/03/year-southpaw

St. Johns being, of course, a powerhouse baseball school…

futurecfo
Member

Previous article being from 2010. Not on the St Johns 2011 roster, so clearly he is already in the Bigs.

Mac
Guest
Mac

Hortsman info:

From 2010 (http://www.gazettenet.com/2010/07/03/year-southpaw)
Ryan Horstman (South Hadley)
Highlights of article
Allowed two earned runs during the season to go 6-0 with one save and a 0.25 earned run average
Struck out 106 and walked 28 over 56 innings
Batted .333 with 20 runs and 13 RBIs during the regular season
Pitched a no-hitter against Palmer during the season

From 2011(http://gazettenet.com/2011/06/02/year-away-benefits-south-hadley039s-horstman)
It’s been less than a year since Ryan Horstman stood on the mound at Szot Park as his South Hadley teammates mobbed him in celebration after winning the Western Massachusetts Division 2 Baseball Tournament.
Horstman spent the 2010-11 school year completing his fifth year of high school, penance for his lack of academic maturity when he was younger.
“It’s been really hard,” said Horstman, who was without spring baseball for the first time since he started playing in fourth grade. “My coach at South Hadley, Matt Foley, he’s been one of the best people in my life. He really helped me.”
Horstman will join the Bayside Yankees, a Queens, N.Y.-based summer league squad. The team boasts quite a few Major Leaguers, including Red Sox ace Jon Lester, among its alumni. They’ll play almost every day in June.

reillocity
Guest
reillocity

The same Matt Foley that lives in a van down by the river?

Brandon
Guest

Note to self: Hit refresh before posting a comment on an article you read several hours ago to make sure someone else hasn’t made the same joke…

Brandon
Guest

Seriously? Matt Foley? As in “I live in a van, down by the river”?

These guys ARE tough…

Yirmiyahu
Member
Yirmiyahu

Western Massachusetts Division 2 Baseball Tournament + five years of high school = guaranteed big league career.

Horatio Sancious
Guest
Horatio Sancious

And here I was thinking #beastmode was a sly reference to Paul Beeston. I hereby stand corrected.

Brandon
Guest

That’s #beestmode :)

Dan Greer
Guest
Dan Greer

This is great.

/worships Joey Bats

Resolution
Guest
Resolution

For the rare group who are actually true fans of TJ ‘Teej’ Broderick, and who will have no doubt already read the following, these are additional, prime select tweets from Teej:

“this sandwich is so deliciousss”

and

“My house smells like weed thanks to tommy dowd.. still love ya kid”

wpDiscuz