Jose Canseco, Vampire

Recently, this unfortunate series appeared in my Twitter feed:

On the eve of April 24th, all of the above mentioned young pitchers threw some phenomenal innings. I had intended to point the attentions of my Twitter followers toward these budding stars’ performances; now, however, I fear that I might have actually suggested them as victims for a Count Canseco feeding frenzy. (I’m sure they are all delectable.)

It should be noted that being biten by vampire José Canseco does not result in death, vampirism, or even severe blood loss — any or all of which might be preferable to the actual consequences of said: dramatic increase in synthetic testosterone levels and, thus, unofficial blacklisting from Major League Baseball and/or general respectability — not to mention accompanying issues with sexual performance, anger management, etc.

It’s entirely possible that the baseball careers and personal lives of Milone, Bundy, and Taillon will be ruined in short order.

I blame myself.

Print This Post

Hire Robert J. Baumann to live-blog your next birthday party, family reunion, or corporate event. You will not want to forget it soon.

3 Responses to “Jose Canseco, Vampire”

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
  1. O's Fan says:

    If Bundy goes down, I’m coming for you.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • dgrussel says:

      I’m with you, my pitchfork is sharpened. Baumann will be held personally responsible if Dylan Bundy does not go down in history as the greatest pitcher in the history of the universe.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. airfigaro says:

    More importantly, what does the undead tweeter have against punctuation? Surely he had characters to spare, no?

    Vote -1 Vote +1