Josh Hamilton Can’t See the Big Picture

Com’on Josh Hamilton. Too much caffeine from energy drinks caused your blurry vision that kept you out of 5 games last week. While you were gone, your team went 3-2 and let Oakland stay within reach of the division title.

To heck with the Rangers, how about my fantasy baseball team? Don’t you know owners are battling it out in H2H finals right now. I missed you for five freaking games. My team was already thin in the outfield with Nick Markakis, Michael Cuddyer and Jose Bautista all out. I had to play John Mayberry in your place. It is not like I am going to just pick up a respectable outfielder on the waiver wire in a 20 team league. How did my replacement do in the 5 games you were nursing your dried out corneas? He went 4-19 with one freaking run scored.

What did I lose HR by?
4 to 5.

28 to 31.

22 to 24

Just a decent game or two from you and I could of won. And because why? Because you needed to get Amped up to be a Rockstar or Monster during a game. Don’t you know nerds across this country are counting on you so they can belittle their nerds friends for a year. Get it together. Next time you need a fourth 32 oz Monster Heavy Metal, maybe you should go with a soothing cup of herbal tea.

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Jeff writes for FanGraphs, The Hardball Times and Royals Review, as well as his own website, Baseball Heat Maps with his brother Darrell. In tandem with Bill Petti, he won the 2013 SABR Analytics Research Award for Contemporary Analysis. Follow him on Twitter @jeffwzimmerman.

9 Responses to “Josh Hamilton Can’t See the Big Picture”

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  1. JR says:

    Ooh-is this one of those fun editing challenges? Lemme see-I have one,two three,four! And I probably could of found more…

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Runnin Ron Roenicke says:

    You should have started Kotsay.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Cooperstown2009 says:

    ahaha that sucks :(

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. GregH says:

    Caffeine is not recommended for people in recovery… neither is binge drinking.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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