Josh Hamilton’s Secret Injury History

It’s likely that readers of FanGraphs willn’t be surprised to learn that Ranger outfielder and 2010 AL MVP Josh Hamilton will be out injured for the next six-to-eight weeks. As SB Nation’s Jon Bois notes today, Hamilton has suffered frequent injuries since his 2007 debut.

However, as further and super-sleuthful research has revealed, Hamilton’s injury list is actually much lengthier than Bois — or anyone else, for that matter — knows.

Exclusive here, at NotGraphs, we’ve reproduced Hamilton’s complete injury history since 2007 — featuring some ailments you willn’t have seen reported on ESPN.


5-19-07, 15-day DL, gasteroenteritis
7-8-07, 15-day DL, sprained wrist
8-23-07, day-to-day, cauliflower earring
9-17-07, day-to-day, hamstring soreness (listed again as “strain” on 9-13-07)
4-5-08, day-to-day, Mexican tooth
6-25-08, day-to-day, knee inflammation
6-26-08, day-to-day, hand contusion (hit by pitch)
7-13-08, day-to-day, damp carpet situation
7-27-08, day-to-day, Jōvan Musk
8-1-08, day-to-day, dizziness
8-27-08, day-to-day, abscessed tooth (listed again as “pain” on 8-30-08)
9-6-08, day-to-day, dangling modifier
9-11-08, day-to-day, foot contusion
9-15-08, day-to-day, bird in the hand
9-30-08, day-to-day, wrong library card
3-2-09, day-to-day, Achilles strain
4-22-09, day-to-day, trunk contusion
4-25-09, day-to-day, inappropriate whistling syndrome
4-27-09, 15-day DL, trunk strain
5-8-09, day-to-day, psychosomatic hat head
5-18-09, day-to-day, groin strain (listed again as “soreness” on 5-21-09)
6-1-09, 15-day DL, sports hernia
7-17-09, day-to-day, feigned ignorance
8-11-09, day-to-day, emotional parallax
9-3-09, day-to-day, lower back (listed again on 9-27-09)
2-24-10, day-to-day, shoulder contusion
3-3-10, day-to-day, pizza butt
3-16-10, day-to-day, hand contusion (hit by pitch)
6-5-10, day-to-day, knee soreness
6-23-10, day-to-day, hamstring tightness
7-31-10, day-to-day, knee inflammation (listed again on 8-2-10 and 9-1-10)
8-23-10, day-to-day, canker sorbet
9-5-10, day-to-day, ribcage fracture
9-6-10, day-to-day, tonsil hockey
9-21-10, day-to-day, twisted sister
4-13-11, 15-day DL, humerus fracture

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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

16 Responses to “Josh Hamilton’s Secret Injury History”

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  1. Matt Defalco says:

    “4-25-09, day-to-day, inapporpriate whistling syndrome”

    Carson… that spelling is inappropriate

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  2. Yirmiyahu says:

    Some of those injuries aren’t real. I think. Maybe.

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  3. Kyle says:

    I liked pizza butt.

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  4. danny woytek says:

    Trunk Strain FTW!

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  5. jfwiii says:

    “Missing the press conference after the game on Sept. 6, 2008, it was apparent that the injury was severe…”

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  6. bowie says:

    humerus fracture — hilarious

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  7. TheGrandSlamwich says:

    The list left out the 7-2-09 – day-to-day, banana peel slip

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  8. B N says:

    I’m shocked you forgot his “water on the knee” issue, which needed to be solved using an operation and would have been worth $150 had the surgeon not accidentally hit the side of the cavity.

    I also had thought he had some issue with some serious groin pull stuff, but it turned out that I was thinking about Giambi (,6101/)

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  9. John R. says:

    Until I read the original list, I thought “sports hernia” was one of the fake ones.

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  10. Erik Archer says:

    emotional parallax

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  11. frug says:

    Who ever would have guessed that a guy who spent the better part of four years addicted drugs and living the lifestyle that entails might have problems staying healthy.

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  12. My echo and bunnymen says:

    Twisted Sister, He toke it.

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