Ken from Marketing Attempts Small Talk re: Baseball

Hey, man. I just wanted to go over these product updates one more time before we send the brochure proofs to the printers. Oh, hey, is that a baseball on your desk? Wow, cool. Oh, it’s signed, too? Who signed this? I can’t make out the name. Nolan Ryan? He was a pitcher, right? Thought so. Did he play for the Yankees? Oh. I don’t know very much about baseball.

So anyway, the biggest changes were on the second and third paragraphs. Just make sure that the language is right…

Are you sure Nolan Ryan didn’t play for the Yankees? Really? Who did he play for? Who are the Astros? Oh.

Do you think “revolutionary” is too strong a word? I don’t want this thing to sound too flowery, you know?

My cousin lives in New Jersey. He’s a big Yankees fan. He talks about them all the time. I think he has that thing … you know where they like give you all the tickets? Season tickets. Right. He has season tickets to the Yankees.  Pays a crap ton of money for them, too. Season tickets and alimony, that’s where all his money goes.

Traci was worried that that third line there — yeah there — Traci said that it was too long. She said to keep every sentence to ten words at the most. I think it was ten. Maybe it was twelve. There should be an email about it. Do you want me to forward it to you?

So do you go to a lot of games? Yeah? Who’s your favorite player? Just pick one. Hmm, never heard of him. Does Barry Bonds still play?

I’m not really a sports guy. I played lacrosse in high school, but that’s about it. I watch the Super Bowl, I guess. The Giants won last year. Who won the World Series? Really? Wait, there’s two teams in … oh, San Francisco. Isn’t that where Barry Bonds plays? Right, played. Thought so.

All right, so are we cool on this brochure? Great. I’ll finish the proofs and have them ready for the meeting at 2:00. You’re coming to that right? There was an email about it. Do you want me to forward it to you?


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David G. Temple is the Managing Editor of TechGraphs and a contributor to FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. Dayn Perry once called him a "Bible Made of Lasers." Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.

4 Responses to “Ken from Marketing Attempts Small Talk re: Baseball”

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  1. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    Any fans of “Better Off Ted”? Remember the episode where Veronica tries to figure out what small talk is?

    “I like your hair.”
    “That’s…that’s small talk.”
    “Oh. I liked it that time.”

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  2. RA Rowe says:

    100% kobe beef

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  3. Dave Barker says:

    The next time Ken asks you some more dipshit interrogatories, I suggest you reacquaint him with America’s pastime by introducing that seamed paperweight to his pleated loins at a high velocity.

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  4. kris says:

    Traci with an I provided all the humour necessary. Beautiful touch.

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