Learn How to Cheer for a Home Run from Former GOP Presidential Candidate John McCain!

Since you are a baseball fan, you probably have cheered for a home run before. You probably have been cheering for home runs for years. But you probably never have examined how you have cheered for all of those home runs. Maybe you never have asked yourself what the optimal way to cheer for a home run is; you never have fretted over cheering for home runs before a home run happens, nor have you felt dumb about the way you cheered for a home run after you did so.

Well, you should feel dumb. Because no matter what you have done to cheer after a home run, you have never done it correctly. You have been doing it all wrong for all these years.

Thankfully (and thanks especially to NotGraphs reader Eric Rood for his hot, GIF-able tip), former GOP presidential candidate and current senior US Senator of Arizona John McCain is here to show us the way — the only way — to properly cheer for a home run. He shall show us all.

First and foremost: tuck in your shirt. You don’t want to look like a slacker when cheering for a home run. The cheering of slackers doesn’t really count as cheering.

Next, if at all possible, try to stand in front of a guy in a Zac Brown Band t-shirt. This provides an awesome, patriotic backdrop for your cheering.

Then — here’s the really important stuff — do your best impression of an elated zombie by reaching out your arms, and keeping them stiff. Open your mouth in something that resembles a palsied yelp. Rotate 90-degrees away from your wife (so as to disassociate yourself with her pathetic clapping), and then back again — with stiff arms still outstretched, of course.

Then you need to wave your hands in front of your face as if you can’t see, but make sure you still look really really happy. Then remember that you are a famous person, turn to wave at someone who was not really waving or even acknowledging you, and give them a big old American thumbs up.

Finally, clap one time.

If everyone else is still standing and cheering, repeat from the beginning.

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41 Responses to “Learn How to Cheer for a Home Run from Former GOP Presidential Candidate John McCain!”

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  1. Hitler But Sadder says:

    Thanks dick, now I know what if feels like to have Zima shoot out of my nose from laughing so hard… my keyboard hates you too.

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  2. Yirmiyahu says:

    I’m all for making fun of people (especially white-haired Republicans), but I’m guessing that you’re not aware that John McCain moves stiffly and can’t raise his arms because of his POW injuries.

    +19 Vote -1 Vote +1

    • psycho says:

      mccain is a psycho who wouldn’t blink at sending you or your kids to die on the other side of the world for nothing, who cares

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    • Robert J. Baumann says:

      Does it prevent him from clapping? If so, I am sorry. If not, not.

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      • therood says:

        He very much can clap, as he did to Goldschmidt’s second HR of the game while more entertaining things unfolded on the far end of the long ball.


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      • JayT says:

        I believe the main area he has problems with are his shoulders. I know that he can’t lift his hands above his head.

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      • me says:

        His arms and one of his legs were fractured when ejecting from his aircraft. He was captured and they broke his shoulder, stabbed him, then beat him and interrogated him without giving him any sort of medical care, which is why all of his many broken bones healed incorrectly.

        So, yea… he moves kinda funny. Congrats on pointing that out. Let’s all laugh at the guy that somehow lived through a long and insanely painful, tortuous ordeal while serving his country.

        This is messed up and completely tasteless. A low, low point for Fangraphs.

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        • Robert J. Baumann says:

          While I knew he sustained injuries as a POW, I was unaware that they had lasting effects that restricted his movements. Ignorance of that is not an excuse, as I could have — and should have — gathered that info from any one of several internets.

          Had I known all that, I still would have written a similar post. I certainly would not have focused on the stiffness of his movements in the first GIF, and instead would have focused on when, in the second GIF, McCain seems to believe he’s at a rally or convention or something and that people are cheering for him, as therood points out below. That hubris is humorous, no matter what the context is.

          While my sympathy for McCain is nonexistent (Am I a terrible human? Is being terrible normal?), I would not have used this approach at NotGraphs (or anywhere else) had I researched and found out about the lasting effects of his POW injuries.

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          • therood says:

            The blame here lies equally with the ignorant SOB who recommended this as NG content. That SOB is me and I’m sorry to have offended with notice of McCain’s lingering injuries. I don’t consider myself a mean-spirited person and hadn’t intended to come across as such.

            The basic idea here was that you can replace McCain with any politician and the joke is still the same: He responds awkwardly when most celebrities know to just smile and clap for a home run because they know they’ll be on camera.

            (1) Politician attends game, professes to love baseball at some point during an in-game interview, knows basically nothing about the game.

            (2) A player hits the ball and everyone starts cheering. Politician does as prompted beforehand by his political handler, repeating in his mind to do what “Real People” do at these things.

            (3) Having not received actual input on “Real People Things,” this involves outstretched arms and wordless screaming (aka the “Brick Tamlin”).

            (4) At some point in this focus on following the act, the politician’s hard-wired brain returns to its default mode that “All applause is applause for me. Acknowledge it gracefully and move on with your speech.”

            (5) The applause dies down and the politician continues on with some “Talking Points” to those around him.

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        • Jamie says:

          Wow, John McCain was a POW? Literally no one has ever mentioned that before. Too bad for him, as widespread knowledge of his past heroism really could have boosted his political career.

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    • Jason says:

      I think it is reasonable to have less sympathy for a victim of warfare when that person is excitedly and unreservedly for using military force whenever possible and to the greatest extent possible.

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      • me says:

        “excitedly and unreservedly” is a little disingenuous, don’t you think? while i definitely don’t agree with some of the stances he’s taken, it doesn’t mean he takes them lightly (or that hes gotten excited about them). come on.

        this is still a trashy article no matter how you slice it. fangraphs should be better than this. the fact that we’re even talking about this instead of having the usual nonsensical fun tells you everything you need to know. no one comes to this site to talk about this kind of thing.

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  3. therood says:

    POW injuries aside, what really struck me about it was the impression from the broadcast and from his own reaction that McCain appears to think people are cheering for him.

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  4. Josh B says:

    Well, if nothing else, this post helps alleviate that oogy feeling of guilt I get in my stomach for reading Fangraphs ever since I was told most of the writers are Republicans.

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    • Robert J. Baumann says:

      Not me, chum.

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    • Crudely Put says:

      You mean a site whose writers are exclusively middle and upper-middle class college educated white men… who study the economics of a sport whose median salary represents 50-100 times the national median household salary without much of any consideration to the societal return of those invested dollars…who are prone to view the world in a cold, calculating, and amoral way…who were once iconoclasts and now make up the mainstream…who trumpet analytics above all else…

      you mean these people aren’t the bench of the next Clinton administration!? HA! You should be pleased that Cistulli didn’t have to drop the vowel from his last name to write here.

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      • Josh B says:

        Not sure what a college education and an interest in analytics (Hello climate scientists! Actually, hello ALL scientists!!) would make you think someone is a Republican, but OK.

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      • Soup says:

        Can you really criticize analysis in general? Maybe a particular method but being rational?

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      • Raws says:

        I recollect that college educated voters tend to vote for Democrats.

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    • Michael Barr says:

      Did Nate Silver tell you that?

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    • Robert Hombre says:

      That Carson certainly seems of the type who would he waves his large plural of guns around like a phallus.

      All of the NotGraphs writers, really. Creative Writing MFA programs are really a beehive for Scalia drones.

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  5. Glenn says:

    That is not John McCain’s wife.

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  6. mgoetze says:

    Is that a Hitler Salute in the second GIF?

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  7. Carlisle says:

    Good lord. How is this a forum for socialism, bipartisanship, POW treatment…
    Old man looking silly, as old men are want to do. Smile and move on you weirdos.

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  8. NothingofValuetoAdd says:

    Cindy McCain is Hawt Sauce, yo

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  9. Paul G. says:

    Ah, making fun of unrestrained joy. Ya know what? People engaging in unrestrained joy acting goofy generally don’t care of your opinion on their form. Kinda how unrestrained joy works. Part of unrestrained joy is not giving a hoot. Baseball needs more unrestrained joy. Life needs more unrestrained joy. People of the world, I urge you to celebrate unrestrained joy using whatever celebratory gyrations feel right! Even the Macarena! Even very poorly executed efforts to simulate the Macarena! I’ll even go with the slow clap, damnit! Joy!

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    • Robert J. Baumann says:

      As NotGraphs’ Most Earnest Contributor (I’m also NotGraphs’ Biggest Jackass, apparently), I quite enjoy displays of unrestrained joy. In fact, even though this post seems snarky — which, given my dislike of McCain in general, the snark is probably earnest, too — I do think that we could/should learn how to cheer from the display in question. It’s genuine and weird, and I love it. I’m making fun of him, yes, but that comes from amazement as much as anything.

      Too late to avail myself of blame, and I’m not interested in trying to do that. I just wanted to say that the next time I am really excited at a baseball game, I am going to flash a big ol’ double thumbs up to everyone around me.

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  10. OhBeepy says:

    Holy shit, you guys.

    Holy shit.

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  11. heroin-and-puppies says:

    This was a terrific post, derived from an even better GIF. Nobody should be apologizing or cowed because a loud flag waver got his panties in a bunch.
    Notgraphs is the EXACT PLACE for this type of work, the Politically Correct masses will hopefully be alienated enough (or shrink to reasonable numbers) to stop coming to this site. While this might not be great for Appleman and his billions, one could think McCain suffered SO WE COULD read this type of nonsense freely.

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