Let Tommy Lasorda Speak

Lasorda

Friends, we at NotGraphs have not been doing our jobs, in that one of the 20th century’s greatest orators, Thomas Charles Lasorda is not nearly as well represented in the pages of NotGraphs for his distinguished linguistic accomplishments as he should be. Today, I take the first steps in trying to rectify that oversight, as I present you with the following dramatic monologue, entitled “Tommy Lasorda: Master of the Slow Build.”

But first, let us set the scene. On June 30, 1982, Lasorda’s Dodgers were facing the Padres of San Diego, with the Padres up by a single run in the top of the 9th inning. Lasorda decides to stick with his young reliever, Tom Niedenfuer for a second inning, which proves costly as Broderick Perkins leads off with what will be the last of the eight home runs of his career. The next batter, Joe Lefebvre is hit by the pitch. Niedenfuer is allowed to keep pitching, and allows a double to Tim Flannery before he is removed in favor of Alejandro Pena.

Nevertheless, the reliever is fined $500 by the National League for throwing at Lefebvre, causing some consternation in Lefebvre’s teammate, Kurt Bevacqua, who told reporters, “The guy they should have fined was the guy who ordered Niedenfuer to throw at Joe, that fat little Italian.” What follows is Lasorda’s response:

“Tell you what I think about it. I think that is very, very bad for that man to make an accusation like that. That is terrible. I have never ever since I’ve managed ever told a pitcher to throw at anybody, nor will I ever. And if I ever did, I certainly wouldn’t make him throw at a fucking .130 hitter like Lefebvre [ed. note: actually .159] or fucking Bevacqua, who couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a fucking boat [career OPS+: 78]. And I guaran-fucking-tee you this, when I pitched, and I was going to pitch against a fucking team that had guys on it like Bevacqua, I’d sent a fucking limousine to get the cock sucker to make sure he was in the mother fucking line-up because I’d kick that cock sucker’s ass any fucking day of the week. He’s a fucking mother fucking big mouth; I’ll tell you that.”

Truly, one of the most devastating burns of all time. Your move, Cicero, you fucking fuckface.



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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/commnman


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Alec Denton
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Member

If Lasorda is the master of the slow build, then he taught his student, Mary Carillo, very well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZDn0U0w78k

symbaton
Member
symbaton

incredible video. thank you for bringing it into my internet sphere.

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus

He went on a tirade once after a writer thought about Kingman after Kingman hit some homers against the Dodgers.

http://www.dodgerblues.com/images/tommy.rm

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus

Was that a picture of Jim McGreevy?

jcxy
Guest
jcxy

wonderful.

Gyre
Guest
Gyre

The fact that one can watch a Dodger game nowdays without enduring a Lasorda endless-speech-that-you-heard-a-decade-ago is a primary reason why I can even watch Dodger baseball again, well actually listen, I’m too cheap to play for video when I can watch the highlights on the news.

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