Literal Weekend Recap

Given his well-known fondness for exotic pets, it came as no surprise to Tim Hudson’s teammates to find him possessing a fighting spirit on Friday. Reactions, as usual, were mixed in the Atlanta clubhouse. “That thing is freaky, man,” said Martin Prado, adding that he didn’t know where Hudson would have procured such a creature — “and I don’t want to know.” Hudson’s batterymate Brian McCann joked that “it’s better than the spirit possessing Huddy, I guess.” Meanwhile, skipper Fredi Gonzalez was heard referring to the beast as “the Rally Demon.”

Elsewhere in the NL East, Mets fans were disturbed to learn that Jon Niese had dug himself into an insurmountable hole. Speculation was rampant following manager Terry Collins’ announcement early Sunday that Niese would miss his scheduled start due to “anxiety.” But not until Sunday night did pictures emerge of the southpaw waist-deep in a pit in his back yard, digging frantically in an apparent effort to conceal himself from public view. “By the time help arrived, he was in too deep to climb out,” said a Mets spokesman, adding that the timing of Niese’s breakdown was “perplexing,” given his successful recent outings against the Cubs and Phillies. As of Monday morning, Niese was reportedly relaxing in a comfortable and “very private” hotel room, being treated with “plenty of TLC.”

Meanwhile, on the junior circuit, Angels ace Jered Weaver stunned and frightened the announced crowd of 41,157 by keeping the Orioles in fits on Saturday. Trembling and babbling uncontrollably, O’s hitters appeared completely incapacitated by Weaver’s cryptic incantations from the mound. At one point in the fourth inning, play had to be stopped when Baltimore second baseman Robert Andino broke out in wild gyrations and attempted to clamber into the stands. Although accusations of witchcraft have been leveled at Weaver in the past, Angels manager Mike Scioscia dismissed talk of foul play, stating that “Jered plays clean, always has, always will. He does what it takes to win, and that’s why he’s an All-Star.”




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One Response to “Literal Weekend Recap”

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  1. Mr. Observant says:

    Well-scribed, Sir – well scribed. My hat is doffed.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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