Man Who Can “Taste” Baseball Probably Having Stroke

Scenes like this one always appealed to Tyler Smith.

SCHENECTADY — A man eager with anticipation for the start of spring training baseball games in Arizona and Florida — but also simultaneously demonstrating signs of gustatory hallucination — is probably having a stroke, according to those present.

“Baseball’s so close I can taste it,” announced Yankees fan Tyler Smith, 28, to a group of co-workers this morning after a meeting to discuss the quarterly numbers. Added Smith moments later: “My arm feels prickly.” And finally: “Flarth drats hern skord. Fallopian gromp.”

It was at that point that Smith appeared to lose control of his left side and slumped from his chair to the floor.

“Almost this exact thing happened to my grandma at a Cracker Barrel,” comptroller Tracy Roberts, clearly shaken, reported to her colleagues after inspecting Smith more closely. “She can’t smell garlic anymore.”

As of press time, an ambulance had been called and those gathered were silently taking inventory of their fragile, fragile lives.

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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

9 Responses to “Man Who Can “Taste” Baseball Probably Having Stroke”

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  1. eddiegaedel says:


    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Mr. Observant says:

    Dying is scary. I hope I taste Kate Upton as I give up the ghost. Or at least a nice Malbec. Or both – never let me die…

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Ray Chapman VII says:

    Great-great-great-great-great-grandpa had exactly the same reaction.

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Mooks says:

    Why is this so funny?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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