Marlins Trade Draft Pick for Whatever’s in Steve’s Couch

“Pretty happy with myself,” is how Marlins GM Dan Jennings reacted to the move.

MIAMI — Just two days after trading the 39th-overall pick in the upcoming draft to the Pittsburgh Pirates for replacement-level reliever Bryan Morris, the Miami Marlins appear to have traded their other Competitive Balance selection — in this case, the 36th-overall pick — for whatever coins or other solid matter is currently trapped within the couch of this guy named Steve.

A source with knowledge of the situation tells NotGraphs that, after receiving a mandate from fork-tongued owner Jeffrey Loria to “continue cutting whatever costs possible,” a visibly frustrated Marlins GM Dan Jennings proceeded merely to dial 10 numbers at random on his office phone and offer the pick in question to whomever answered first — which, in this case, appears to have been Steve Bogosian of Glendale, California.

“I was pretty surprised, obviously,” said Bogosian by phone. “I own an HVAC business. That’s what I do. So for me to have a first-round pick in the baseball draft — it doesn’t mean much. Still, when Dan (Jennings) told me it’d only cost whatever’s in my couch — well, I’m not an idiot.”

Bogosian is unsure how he’ll use the pick, but made a point of picking up a copy of Street & Smith’s pretty soon after his conversation with the Marlins, noting that he’d “always found that magazine helpful.”

As for Jennings, his bearing in the wake of the deal, which remains unofficial as of press time, was one of relief. “Any time you trade a pretty valuable draft pick for literally whatever has fallen out of a random guy’s pocket over the course of four or five years, your kind of hold you breath. But there was, like, $1.73 in there and also a pack of Rolo’s — which, I didn’t even know they made those anymore.”

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10 Responses to “Marlins Trade Draft Pick for Whatever’s in Steve’s Couch”

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  1. Steven says:

    Let’s see… I have a penny, a dime, one piece of Trident regular flavored gum, and and a treasure map that I drew. Is that enough, Mr. Loria?

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  2. scatterbrian says:

    There is precedent for this move to pay off. The Dodgers found Mike Piazza in a junk drawer. Don Mattingly was in an old coffee can in the garage of some scout’s father-in-law.

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  3. Eric Holder says:

    Steve, I’ll trade you TWO Taliban prisoners for the pick.

    (Unlike Loria, I know how valuable they are.)

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  4. DerekJeterGiftBasket says:

    Draft picks?? Aw, I wanted a peanut!!

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