Mascot Races: A Call For Comments

A neat article on Slate (written by the very impressively-named Matthew J.X. Malady) about mascot races. Here’s my favorite from the piece:

Mayors with giant heads: The Single-A Tri-City ValleyCats’ home stadium is located near the upstate New York cities of Albany, Schenectady, and Troy. In the middle of the sixth inning, dudes in khakis and oxford shirts put on giant heads resembling each city’s mayor and race down the right-field line.

It got me thinking… pretend you own a minor league team. What would you have racing down the line?

(If you want to e-mail your own Mascot Race JPGs, I’ll do a follow up post featuring the best (or worst) of….)

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

14 Responses to “Mascot Races: A Call For Comments”

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  1. jmdavisson says:

    One bourbon, one scotch, one beer.

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Urban Shocker says:

    John Kruk, Harold Reynolds and Steve Phillips.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Big Daddy V says:

    Dick Dastardly, The Gruesome Twosome, and Professor Pat Pending.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. phoenix2042 says:

    david ortiz, prince fielder, and cc sabathia race down the right field line once (home to pole). michael bourne, jose reyes and mike trout race down the left field line 3 times (home to pole, pole to home, home to pole). who wins?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. dragonflyball says:

    Darnell McDonald and Zippy Chippy

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. CurtisStarkeyFan4LIFE!!!!!!! says:

    John McClane, Capt. Steven Hiller, Usain Bolt, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Werner Herzog, 3 of Him.

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. Mike M. says:

    Inky, Pinky, Blinky, and Clyde.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Jeff Mathis does Steroids says:

    Skip Bayless, Skeletor, and a bottle of Soy Sauce.

    Wait, this isn’t fuck/marry/kill?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. A pilsner, a stout, and brown ale.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. airfigaro says:

    The Tick, Thelma, Grape Ape and Hadji

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  12. Al says:

    I’m a fan of the themes that have a local flavor, or are at least thematic with the team name. Cleveland would do well to have a pierogi race rather than hot dogs. My local Columbus Clippers just go with hot dogs too, but, since this is the home of many fine chain dining establishments, why not celebrate that? A White Castle Slider vs. Wendy vs. one of the Bob Evans mascots that are at the park pretty frequently anyway?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  13. reillocity says:

    Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death

    Vote -1 Vote +1