Mash That ‘Stache

It is one of the eternal injustices of the world that greatness on the upper lip so rarely coincides with greatness on the ballfield. A man — and here I expressly exclude such god-spawn as Eddie Clarence Murray — only has so much energy to give. Who among us has not wished to lift a timeless mouthbrow from its prosaic confines? To grant a thing of beauty the immortality toward which it forlornly strives? Why, we ask, must a masterwork like Ross Grimsley’s be stuck straining Ross Grimsley’s soup?

There is a way. Before you lies an Olympus of great mustaches, and the mortal, frail, broken faces from which they arose. Also before you lie some ballplayers of repute, who kept themselves hairless through inexplicable choice or sheer frailty. All you will need to set the universe aright is a pair of scissors, some tape*, and a crippling sense of cosmic responsibility. (Click to very bigly embiggen)

* Scissors and tape can be found at many general-purpose retail establishments.




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6 Responses to “Mash That ‘Stache”

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  1. buddy says:

    You’re a good man, MS MS.

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  2. Illinois glass M. Michael Sheets says:

    I’m not sure if my sense of cosmic responsibly could mostly aplty be characterized as crippling. Possibly “dandy” would work. Can I still attempt to help the universe?

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  3. TheGrandslamwich says:

    Am I supposed to be proud or embarrassed that I can identify almost all these players by the mustaches alone?

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  4. reillocity says:

    I’ll commence with the identification exercise…

    Top Row (upper third): Ken Phelps, Oscar Gamble, Adolf Hitler, Mickey Mantle, Rod Beck, Rollie Fingers, Ted Williams, Salvador Dali, Ross Grimsley, Sal Fasano, Sparky Lyle, Walter Johnson, Keith Hernandez, Joe Dimaggio

    Bottom Row: Travis Snider, Fred Wilpon, Randy Johnson, R.A. Dickey, Dick Allen, Clay Zavada, Al Hrabosky, Dennis Eckersley, Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, Jason Giambi, Eddie Murray, Garry Maddox, Rick Cerone (perhaps)

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  5. Nu? Billy Baroo says:

    If only Wilford Brimely played professional baseball… he’s got the name and facial hair to match.

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  6. Steve Smith says:

    Who did Dali play for? The Persistence of Mariners?

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