Matt Harvey is Here to Pull You out of Your Funk

harvey

Wipe your eyes, America. Pivot that chin up. Matt Harvey is pitching again.

You may hate your spouse, your kids may hate you, your career might be in the toilet. So what?

You think Matt Harvey lets that shit get to him? He used to be on top of the world. He was on top of the world, looking down on we filthy with his piercing eyes of judgement and compassion. Then Fate, Killer of Fun struck him down at the knees. Well, his elbow actually. But the elbow is basically the knee of the arm. Matt Harvey used to be the elbow of a nation. Then he was the teardrop of the Internet.

But look at this handsome fuck. He didn’t let it stop him. He’s riding fast — two middle fingers cocked and ready — all the way back. He’s taking his life back from Life. He has fate in a sleeper hold. He is moments away from sweeping the leg.

Leave your spouse. Quit your job. Start that novel or rehash that hobby or ask out that barista with the great legs and the pretty good face. Matt Harvey’s elbow has died for your sins. Is this how you wish to repay it? Winners never sulk, and sulkers can go walk into traffic.

Matt Harvey is pitching again. Let us all rejoice by creating better versions of ourselves.

(source)




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David G. Temple is the Managing Editor of TechGraphs and a contributor to FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. Dayn Perry once called him a "Bible Made of Lasers." Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.


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Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
2 years 25 days ago

“Let us all rejoice by creating better versions of ourselves.”

And by saving NotGraphs!

Yirmiyahu
Member
2 years 25 days ago

How can you see the barista’s legs from the other side of the counter?

Hopeless Joe
Guest
Hopeless Joe
2 years 25 days ago

If your head is turned downward enough, you see different stuff. I guess.

The Return of Rambo Diaz
Guest
The Return of Rambo Diaz
2 years 25 days ago

Find a way, man… it’s worth it.

SirCub
Guest
SirCub
2 years 25 days ago

She brings your latte out to you, where you’re sitting and working on your lap top.

That’s how you know she’s into you.

John Elway
Member
2 years 25 days ago

* where she begins working on your lap top.

Just neighing.

#KeepNotGraphs

thecodygriffin
Member
thecodygriffin
2 years 25 days ago

A shining example of why we need to #KeepNotGraphs

Senor_Met
Member
Senor_Met
2 years 25 days ago

God I can’t wait for 2015.

Mets currently are projected to have Harvey, deGrom, Wheeler, Syndergaard, Niese, Gee, Colon, Hefner (mediocre, but he had some brilliant stretches in 2013), Montero, and a few other fringe prospects. Seriously, so much pitching depth, and this isn’t even including the pen depth.

Dwayne Carter
Guest
Dwayne Carter
2 years 25 days ago

Why is notgraphs being dropped? What’s Custilli’s involvement? Why is the most humor tone-deaf person even involved?

“Hey, this is a google maps image of a baseball field I once played on in prep school. Notice the right field fence. There is a tree beyond it and its branches extend into the field of play. A batter from Mt. Vernon Ecclesiastical (not to be confused with Mt. Vernon Seminary) once hit a ball off of me (for clarification purposes, I was the pitcher. He didn’t actually hit a ball that struck me lol) into the branches of the aforementioned tree in left field. Boy, was I relived when it was ruled a ground rule double. A homerun would have upped my ninth grade ERA into the 4.00’s. I find it poetic that a tree, which baseball bats are made of, played a role off a ball hit by a baseball bat.”

NOTGRAPHS
Guest
NOTGRAPHS
2 years 24 days ago

I find Cistulli to be good most of the time. For whatever reason, I like that voice he writes in. But this was just hilarious. Good work, my man.

#KeepNotgraphs

Ian Smell
Guest
Ian Smell
2 years 24 days ago

This is gold. Please #KeepNotGraphs

Kris
Guest
Kris
2 years 24 days ago

If NotGraphs is Harvey, Cistulli is his ucl.

Unless you have a better metaphor for something quitting, falling apart and in turn, crushing the hopes and dreams of a tonne of single white dudes.

Cistulli is also Bernie Madoff, because he’s a huge dick.

#highbrowgraphs

Pedant
Guest
Pedant
2 years 23 days ago

I hear he’s kinda like Brad Penny. Nudge nudge, wink wink, know whata mean, Squire?

Spencer Jones
Member
Spencer Jones
2 years 24 days ago

#KeepNotGraphs

I will send an envelope full of pizza rolls to the gallant soul who can save Notgraphs.

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