Matt Holliday’s New Pet Moth

Matt Holliday — Handsome Matt Holliday — was forced to depart the Cardinals’ most recent dumb-ass loss because of … a moth in his ear.

Mr. Holliday was visibly distressed by having a moth in his ear, which is quite understandable. Had this been yours truly, I would’ve burst into tears, run screaming in growing concentric circles, and searched desperately for the nearest blunt object, firearm or sharpened rapier that would help me over-murder myself. Mr. Holliday was decidedly more composed, which should surprise no one. In fact, the most excellent Derrick Goold provides the pleasing conclusion to our tale:

Holliday was not available for comment after the game, and the team official was not sure if Holliday would see a doctor or a specialist to determine if the moth did any damage while wedged inside his ear. The moth was still alive when they removed it from the left fielder’s ear. Holliday was said to be feeling fine when he left the ballpark.

He took the moth with him.

He took the moth with him! A lesser man would probably take the moth with him for purposes of grim revenge. However, Mr. Holliday, moth whisperer that he is, surely took the adorable moth home to the kids. On the sprawling yet eco-friendly Holliday estate the moth, whose name is now Princess Sugar Pickles, will live a life of frolicsome delights, one marked by a permanent spot at the foot of the bed, frequent trips to the moth park and scrumptious, fair-trade moth treats on demand.

One day, the Holliday children will be told that Princess Sugar Pickles had to go to a farm in the country. This will mean that Princess Sugar Pickles has died.




Print This Post

Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


7 Responses to “Matt Holliday’s New Pet Moth”

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
  1. Cody says:

    Well done sir!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. TheGrandslamwich says:

    For me, that 0 for 3 implies he took it for vengeance.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. ettin says:

    “One day, the Holliday children will be told that Princess Sugar Pickles had to go to a farm in the country. This will mean that Princess Sugar Pickles has died.”

    The Holliday kids are smart, they’ll not see PSP for a while and run the numbers in their head… I guess what I’m saying is they’ll do the moth… ;)

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Dan says:

    “I would’ve burst into tears, run screaming in growing concentric circles,”

    So, you plan to leap from one concentric circle to the next?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Dayn Perry says:

      Yes, that goes without saying.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

      • Dainer's Hubris says:

        I suppose it is a matter up for some debate. You seem to be contending that perhaps the leap from circle to circle and the careful tracing of said circles would focus your attentions on something other than your shameful fear and as such ease your mind by leaps and starts. I would argue that an ever-embiggening panic-spiral would be much better relief – like an incremental time-released capsule of mind-peace (not that I have experience with debilitating fear.)
        That’s all tomayto-tomahto, and the fact remains that a moth is for all intents and purposes but a drab and sinister butterfly, and not even the most phobic girly-man is afraid of those. I’m going to put a checkmark in my column in my heretofore unannounced-to-you name-war.
        With pathos, Dain

        Vote -1 Vote +1

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>