Metaphors You May No Longer Use in a Baseball Broadcast

Come with me, won’t you? Come back with me to the early moments of the radio broadcast of Game 5 of the 1948 World Series between the Braves and the Indians …

There was a time — Gentleman Mel Allen’s time, for instance — when you could indulge in the metaphors that you have just heard, even go on at some length within the captive embrace of the metaphors that you have just heard. But our timepieces say that time has passed.

There are things you may no longer do, like smoke in the operating room or slap the children of strangers or get pregnant in an above-ground pool.

You also may not make the metaphors that you have just heard, at least while anyone is listening.

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12 Responses to “Metaphors You May No Longer Use in a Baseball Broadcast”

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  1. harperhill says:

    Agreed — although I do think there should be a way to weave in the word “wigwam” from time to time.

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  2. bowie says:

    What’s this about you can’t get pregnant in an above-ground pool?


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  3. Mixed Metaphor says:

    Warren Spahn extirpated the miserable Indians with a small pox infested blanket of 1-2-3 innings and seven strike outs with the strong alcohol of changing speeds.

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  4. Hitler but Sadder says:

    I dismounted from my girlfriend’s coital embrace for this article… Thank you, I liked it.

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  5. Keith says:


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  6. Hugh Briss says:

    Riley Cooper blames Mel Allen.

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  7. Chris Cwik says:

    It’s almost as if you’re listening to a Redskins game from 2012.

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  8. Jaxon says:

    I believe its worth mentioning that two years before Mel Allen passed in 1996, he was the last known sufferer of a devastating case of ocular testicular consumption maximum awful.

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  9. Mike Green says:

    “or get pregnant in an above-ground pool”

    With one of those wonderful opaque blue pool covers, tout est possible.

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  10. Roy White's Wizard says:

    Mel Allen should have been scalped for this broadcast.

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