Miami Marlins and Redemptions Thereof

In these four-wheel-drive pages, we’ve already held the rebranded Miami Marlins to account for their sartorial affronts. But now it’s time to look at this thing through fresh eyes and loins …

The accompanying music can best be described as “a murdering of innocents,” and the only thing that would make this more “Miami,” which is America’s worst city, is if an alligator were getting a Brazilian wax on stage while high on coke. Still, I must confess that I kind of like the all-whites and all-grays on awkward, under-duress display here. The font saves the day, as does Ozzie Guillen’s pocket square.

Jeffrey Loria, much like Dick Clark, knows how to reach kids these days.

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18 Responses to “Miami Marlins and Redemptions Thereof”

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  1. hawkinscm says:

    I don’t understand what the big deal is. I’d be willing to bet nearly all of the Marlins fans (insert joke) like these uniforms. Whether they’re actually changing their method in Miami, I don’t know. But casual fans probably like it. Nothing wrong with that.

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  2. nickmirto says:

    This concert was tasteful compared to the unveiling of the Miami Heat superstars last summer.

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  3. God, that music is awful.

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  4. joser says:

    I’m not sure Miami is “America’s worst city” if only because the state of Florida contains so many other worthy candidates.

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  5. DJ says:


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  6. Table says:

    Worst music ever. That is not hip hop, that is just crap.

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  7. TartanElk says:

    What do I get for watching this all the way through?

    What I do note though, is that Loria needs to find himself a new tailor. All that money and he can’t find a decent jacket that doesn’t ride so far up his sleeves. Man. Get some class.

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  8. The Rajah says:

    If the phrase “Dress for success” means anything, the Marlins are in for a long season.

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  9. Yirmiyahu says:

    Note: if you need to repeatedly remind people that you’re an “international city,” then you’re not really an international city.

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  10. Bpdelia says:

    Im a nyc transplant living in miami beacj. Miami is an international city. Serioisly easily more than half of the population is foreign born and english is the second language. The city also has a huge russian, geran and south asian population. Say what u want about corruption and poor infrastructurr but miami is undoubtably one of only five or so truly international american cities.

    Also I like the colors of the uniforms. Its about time a team used something other than,the same tired design and color sxheme. If the royals, jays and pads went back to the old unis it would be great. The days of oak, min, sd, kc, tor, bal with truly unique unis was so much more visually pleasing to me. God forbid your unifotm doesnt look llik every other damn uniform.

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  11. Kris says:

    Seriously. Most elaborate prank ever.

    It’s almost as if he’s been crooked on his taxes for years and now needs to just make shit up to get straight with the IRS.

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  12. Event Planner says:

    I was so close to losing my job over this, but then when I found that song with the lyric “Let me look at where the Lord split ya”, I knew I had fuckin’ nailed it. That’s just baseball you guys!

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  13. Dylan says:

    Uniforms: Crappy. If anything they look gay. Need to see LoMo in a Rays jersey soon. Song compares well with the uniform and the logo. Shitty as well as created by a 4 year old.

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