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Miami Marlins and Redemptions Thereof

In these four-wheel-drive pages, we’ve already held the rebranded Miami Marlins to account for their sartorial affronts. But now it’s time to look at this thing through fresh eyes and loins …

The accompanying music can best be described as “a murdering of innocents,” and the only thing that would make this more “Miami,” which is America’s worst city, is if an alligator were getting a Brazilian wax on stage while high on coke. Still, I must confess that I kind of like the all-whites and all-grays on awkward, under-duress display here. The font saves the day, as does Ozzie Guillen’s pocket square.

Jeffrey Loria, much like Dick Clark, knows how to reach kids these days.