Mike Piazza Countdown


Screenshot taken from Mets.com yesterday evening at 6:40 PM, with a white box covering some information.

Can you guess what is happening in 25 days?

(a) The Mets’ “Murder Mike Piazza” contest will be over, and Piazza will be dead.

(b) Piazza is scheduled to give a press conference admitting to somewhere between one and three of the following things: (i) he used steroids; (ii) he is gay; (iii) he used gay steroids; (iv) he and Murray Chass are the same person; (v) he has evidence that Murray Chass uses steroids; (vi) he is a zombie.

(c) Piazza is returning to the Mets as their starting catcher.

(d) Piazza is returning to the Mets as a starting pitcher.

(e) Piazza will be taking over the Mets’ official Twitter feed for an hour.

(f) It’s Mike Piazza Gets Shot From a Cannon Day!

(g) Piazza will be opening up a “Piazza’s Pizza” concession stand at CitiField.

(h) Piazza will be inducted into the Mets’ Hall of Fame, as only the sixteenth catcher, after Choo Choo Coleman, Chris Cannizzaro, Yogi Berra, Jerry Grote, Duffy Dyer, Ron Hodges, John Stearns, Gary Carter, Barry Lyons, Mackey Sasser, Todd Hundley, Charlie O’Brien, Vance Wilson, Todd Pratt, and Omir Santos.

(i) Choice (h) except he’ll be the third catcher, not the sixteenth. Oops.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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I really hope it’s option F.