- NotGraphs Baseball - http://www.fangraphs.com/not -

MLB Offseason Power Rankings

Team Watts per Second Notes
1 Giants 2000-10000 Size of giant varies widely based on lore
2 Rays 1,004 527W infrared, 445W visible, 32W ultraviolet
3 Marlins 428 A marlin actually capsized a boat last week
4 Tigers 348 Tiger
5 Cubs 60-300 age indeterminate; brown bears reach 80 lbs by age 1
6 Twins 134 2x Humans
7 Braves 79 Human warrior
8 Athletics 75 Human whose reputation is based on physical strength
9 Mariners 74 Human used to physical toil
10 Brewers 71 Human used to working in factories
11 Rangers 69 Human used to sitting on horses, chasing people
12 Dodgers 68 Human with some semblance of dexterity
13 Yankees 67 Human
14 Indians 67 Human
15 Nationals 67 Human
16 Mets 65 Human used to riding in taxis, not using gym memberships
17 Pirates 64 Human used to drinking rum, possibly one-legged
18 Padres 63 Human used to living quietly, giving sermons
19 Royals 60 Human likely suffering from gout
20 Diamondbacks 4 Snake
21 Orioles 2 Bird, 22-30cm
22 Blue Jays 2 Bird, 20-30cm
23 Cardinals 2 Bird, 21cm
24 Angels 1 Incorporeal being, can rub condensation off mirrors
25 Red Sox 0 Clothing
26 White Sox 0 Clothing
27 Reds 0 Clothing
28 Rockies 0 Inanimate Object
29 Phillies 0 Inanimate Object
30 Astros 0 Intangible Concept