MLB TeeVee: Leave It To Weaver

This is the third in a series of short excerpts from MLB Network’s entirely imaginary new fall sitcoms. More details here.

Today’s show: LEAVE IT TO WEAVER

INT. WEAVER HOUSE -- DAY

MR. WEAVER

Boys, can you come down here?

JEFF and JERED race down the stairs.

JEFF

Yes, Pop?

MR. WEAVER

Now, Jered, I heard a terrible rumor down at the drug store today.

JERED

Golly gee, Dad. I swear I was only drinking. And why shouldn’t I be able to celebrate my no-hitter?

MR. WEAVER

That’s not what I’m talking about. Your mother and I said that you couldn’t go to the game until you cleaned your room, and while you were dominating the Twins last week, I opened your bedroom door, and it was a mess. You’re in big trouble, young man.

JERED

Dad, I pitched a no-hitter.

JEFF

Yeah, Dad, he pitched a no-hitter!

MR. WEAVER

I don’t know why you always defend your brother, Jeff. He replaced you in the Angels’ starting rotation!

JEFF

I earned over forty million dollars playing professional baseball. I can’t really be too bitter about it.

MR. WEAVER

And yet you still don’t pay any rent. You know what, it’s not worth it. I don’t care anymore. Why couldn’t the two of you be polite, dependable adults like your good friend and former Angel Eddie Haskell? I mean Chad Curtis.

(More on Chad Curtis.)




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


2 Responses to “MLB TeeVee: Leave It To Weaver”

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  1. steex says:

    “That’s a lovely dress you’re wearing, Mrs. Weaver.” – Chad Curtis

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Daniel says:

    Dangit, I thought you were gonna talk about how Weaver was singing along with “Hit the Road Jack” when he got rocked and left the game yesterday.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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