MLB TeeVee: Will (Clark) and (Mark) Grace

This is the eighth in a series of short excerpts from MLB Network’s entirely imaginary new fall sitcoms. More details here.

Today’s show: WILL (CLARK) AND (MARK) GRACE

INT. WILL (CLARK) AND (MARK) GRACE’S APARTMENT -- DAY

WILL

So let me understand this, Mark. I’m gay.

GRACE

That’s what you tell me.

WILL

And you’re straight, but you like men.

GRACE

Yes.

WILL

So that makes you gay, and means the two of us are a perfect match.

GRACE

No, I’m straight.

WILL

But you like men.

GRACE

Yes.

WILL

And I’m a man.

GRACE

That’s what you tell me.

WILL

And I like men. Which means we can like each other.

GRACE

Wait, I’m not following.

WILL

Mark, we’re both playing for the same team.

GRACE

No, that wouldn’t work. Because we’re both first basemen.

WILL

No, you don’t understand. We don’t just have to go to first base.

GRACE

You’re twisting my words. I was talking about our position in the field.

WILL

I don’t want you to play the field. I want us to be together.

GRACE

I have to play the field. Playing the field is a good portion of my value. I mean, I’m a solid hitter, but I don’t have the kind of power you have.

WILL

You have enough power to admit you have feelings for me.

GRACE

Not this again. I’m straight.

WILL

And you like men?

GRACE

I do.

WILL

You’re losing me. Again.




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Want more Hopeless Joe even after NotGraphs ends? Check out Hopeless Joe's Kickstarter campaign and join the hopeless march toward new, exclusive content. Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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