MLBistro

Hi. Welcome to MLBistro, where the flavors are as big as Don Mossi’s ears. We hope you find something you like!

STARTERS

Rick Portacello Mushroom Sliders   $9
Veggie option getting a crack at our permanent menu for the first time.

Carlos JalaPeña Poppers (15)     $7
Often, you’ll miss your mouth completely when you try to eat these delicious goat-cheese-stuffed and deep-fried peppers, but when they connect, they connect with big flavor. For the price, we think it’s worth a couple of swings and misses.

Cheese Cheese Sabathia     $13
Selection of artisanal cheeses from Wisconsin, Ohio, and New York. We coat each cheese in cream cheese and top it off with a lovably crooked ball cap made of cocoa frosting.

Miguel Olivo Tapenade     $10
Thick crostini, roasted capers.

The Prince Fielder    $32
All of the above.

The David Wells     $37
The Prince Fielder, beer battered and deep-fried. Served as a misshapen brick.

The Rod Beck     $55
The David Wells, served with a six-pack of Old Style cans and a “bump.”

SEAFOOD

Mike Trout     $9
We don’t really know how this is going to taste yet, but we serve it with great confidence, plus-plus speed, and sure hands.

Tim Salmon     $13
It’s a pile of salmon—tastes like salmon but is really, really good at tasting like salmon.

B.J. Surhoff ‘n’ Turf     $17
An open-faced sirloin burger in the shape of a catcher’s mask and Baltimore style steamed crabs, served with an MGD or a Natty Bo’.

Carlton LuteFisk     $8
Salty as hell and sure to make you chew very hard for a very long time. But we stand behind its joint and ligament strengthening qualities.

SANDWICHES

Ryan Braun MVPastrami on Rye     $8
Served with kosher dill potato chips made from Brauny’s own taters, and served by a waiter wearing a Remetee.

Evan FootLongoria      $5 for one / $9 for two / $11 for three / $12 for seven
The myth is now a reality with this beefy frank, made from an amalgamation of ray meats (manta, devil, sting) and grilled in the focused heat of Tampa sunshine. Purchase multiple FootLongorias at a generously discounted price.

Tempeh Ruben Sierra     $10
This veg-head option is not without great flavor. We work garbanzo beans (a Puerto Rican staple) into our tempeh and replace the Thousand Island dressing with a peppercorn and oregano mayo for a multicultural homerun.

ENTREES

Mark TexMexeira      $12
Mark’s hobbies include hunting, golfing, reading, and fishing, and so does this dish: Mark shoots a rabbit, we throw it in the TexMexeira; mark catches a sunfish, we throw it in the TexMexeira; Mark reads about square Japanese watermelons, you guessed it: we put it in the TexMexeira. The golf part is you have to eat it with tees instead of normal utensils.

Bob Veale      $16
Bob actually works weekends in our kitchen, and tenderizes this baby beef cutlet with his own golden arm. In honor of his days with the Pirates, we serve it with your choice of a lime aioli crostini or scurvy-mashed potatoes.

Livan & Onions Hernandez $11
One of our most filling dishes, for sure—and the smell keeps on ticking, too.

Fish ‘n’ Chipper Jones     $10
This classic just keeps bringing it. All-natural potatoes and sustainably harvested haddock, served with a variety of things to dip it in—as the Chipper himself prefers.

Dice-K’s Gyro Ball     $15
Just when you think you’ve got its flavor identified, it changes. We wrap gyro meat from Kobe-style lambs, fresh salmon, and baby bok-Hee-Seop-Choi in seaweed pita and fry it tempura style. Don’t ask us why, just try it.

James Ring BaLoney     $5
It ain’t pretty, but it’ll [sorta] fill you up. Describe it? It’s about the same as any minimally-priced entrée at any other restaurant. No sides included.

SIDES

J.T. Snow Peas     $1

Madison Bumgarnish (fully edible)    10¢

Bowl of J.D. Stew     $4

MINOR LEAGUES (for kids)

ToTino Martinez Rolls     $5

Rollie Chicken Fingers     $7

CLOSERS

Derek Holland Windmill Cookies (3)     $3
With a glass of milk and hope for a moustache.

Jonathan Papelbonbons (3)     $5per week/4 weeks
Any combination of Fastball (espresso beans), Splitter (candied walnut), or Slider (raw angus beef) coated in dark chocolate (71% cacao content) and drizzled with closer mojo that you’ll be overpaying for even after it’s passed through your system.

Baby Ruth $1

Bobby Bonilla Ice Cream in a homemade David Waffle Cone     $5

Chone Figgins Newton (3)     $2
Crispy breading, bitter fruit filling. Perfect with a cup of day-old Starbucks.

David Freese-Pop     $1
Doesn’t seem like much, but it gets you something sweet in the clutch.

Tom Candiotti Necklace     75¢
Take it to go.

DRINKS

Chet Lemonade     $1.50
Highly underrated beverage.

Mark Teahen     $1.50
Pretty flavorless. In fact, it’s damn near water. At least it’s moderately priced.

Take home a jar of our famous Jacoby Ellsbury Jam or our Brett Lawrie PreSeason Salt!




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15 Responses to “MLBistro”

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  1. futurecfo says:

    + 9000

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. AustinRHL says:

    This is excellent. I particularly liked the pricing on the Evan FootLongoria.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Jim says:

    Wow. Awesome. I actually want to eat a lot of these. But only if I can have a nice, cold, first-round draught.

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. When did you guys stop serving the Jarod Caramel Saltalamacchiato?

    Is that a seasonal thing?

    +6 Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. B.E. Earl says:

    Like the previous commenter, I was thinking about an entree of a nice Jarod Veal Saltalamacchia. But the macchiato thing is funnier. Well played.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Powder Blues says:

    Love the Madison Bumgarnish!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Del B. Vista says:

    But how much is a Jayson worth?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. glassSheets says:

    I was hoping I could finish my meal off with some delicisous

    Hokey Pokey Rese’s Pieces Triangles
    Delicious, glinting pieces of sponge toffeee topped with the namesake candy.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Joe says:

    Donnie Veal.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. Dylan says:

    I was hoping to wash it all down with a Bud Lite Black. Or perhaps an Andrew Miller Lite?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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