Moises Alou drinks early, in vehicles

In his major-league career, Moises Alou tallied precisely 2,134 hits. In retirement, Moises Alou has devised no fewer than one way to live the Good Life. Witness …

Please allow me to save you exactly one Internet Hot Click and reveal what lies within …

That, friends, is a Presidente Light, which hideous people like Eno Sarris would describe as “passable” or “brutish” or “disconcertingly post-colonial.” However, Moises Alou, a gentleman both cocksure and sure of cock, knows that a Presidente Light is best enjoyed while morning is still virginal, the possibilities still puffy.

He is on the way to buy cologne for his van.

Not pictured: barbecue chips, ladies.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


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Danny Knobgobbler
Guest
Danny Knobgobbler
3 years 9 months ago

Incidentally, it turns out that Presidente Light makes for an economical alternative to batting gloves. Simply imbibe the “breakfast of a champion,” allow said liquid to infiltrate one’s kidneys, and, finally, urinate the caustic effluent on to one’s hands. The result? Callouses of a cocksure champion.

ATrain
Guest
ATrain
3 years 9 months ago

Rofl, excellent.

Eno Saris
Guest
Eno Saris
3 years 9 months ago

I prefer a Watermelon Porter or a Horseradish Stout. I just don’t like my beer to taste like beer. Ideally my beer would taste like a French twink’s ass.

Mr. Observant
Guest
Mr. Observant
3 years 9 months ago

C’est le petit déjeuner tousjours pour les champions!

Turd Ferguson
Guest
Turd Ferguson
3 years 9 months ago

Yeah, well, why don’t you give me ape tit for $200.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 9 months ago

I decry your mockery of excellence in creative beer, sir. Watermelon Porter sounds nasty. Horseradish Stout? I’d give that shit a try.

juan pierres mustache
Guest
3 years 9 months ago

i’m fairly certain that eno isn’t a huge fan of novelty beer flavors like those. 4/10, would be better with more subtlety. I’m not happy with myself for laughing at the 3rd sentence, but i must grudgingly admit that I did.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 9 months ago

Eh, I’ve recently been a fan of Stone/Iron Fist/Ken Schmidt Mint Chocolate Imperial Stout and Ska Mole Stout (mole as in the spicy Mexican sauce).

juan pierres mustache
Guest
3 years 9 months ago

wait, have you been eno this whole time? or are you just serving as his mouthpiece in this instance. my world is shaken to the core. I have had some stone and rogue “flavors” that i enjoyed, but i generally come away feeling like if they’d just put the time/energy/money they used perfecting a recipe with a strange ingredient into working on a good IPA instead I’d be happier with the result.

BronxBomber
Member
BronxBomber
3 years 9 months ago

How about a Martian yeast Doppel-Dunkel-Marzen?

Suge Ray Knight
Guest
Suge Ray Knight
3 years 9 months ago

I thought Eno was more of a Bud Lite Lime guy.

Youthful Enthusiast
Guest
Youthful Enthusiast
3 years 9 months ago

A while back I inquired why my friend’s car stereo didn’t work. His answer? “My brother spilled a beer in it.” I was mildly amused until I realized that the only way you get beer in a car stereo is by having an open can in the cup holder while diving over difficult terrain.

Case in point, Mr. Alou may want to replace the lid on said beverage or find a cup holder further away from the stereo.

The Director
Guest
The Director
3 years 9 months ago

He drinks to forget the Steve Bartman Incident.

boss
Guest
boss
3 years 9 months ago

I’m curious as to if he also pees on his hands before gripping a beer bottle

jbrasscomb
Guest
jbrasscomb
3 years 9 months ago

Note also the full roll of newly bought duct tape on the floor. That’s quite a morning.

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