More Hypothetical Defensive Alignments

Last Thursday I presented to you readers some useless snack-like facts to get us from one thing happening in the offseason to the next thing happening. I’m sure it left you momentarily satisfied, and then, about an hour later when your blood sugar dropped, egregiously unsatisfied and cranky. Though my methodology in determining most of the facts I listed could be described as “dubious” and “mainly derived from answers people provided on WikiAnswers,” some of the facts were even less rigorously determined. They were determined by no method, really, except for me guessing and laughing. One such item was particularly amusing to me and is reproduced below:

Possible Defensive Alignment with Nobody On if Baseball Was Played with a Jellybean and Not a Baseball


What this post is, is more of these types of silly guesses on how one might align themselves defensively on a field if one were playing baseball differently or under unusual circumstances. All of the following assume no one is on base.

Defensive Alignment if Spiderman Was Playing in Centerfield with His Excellent UZR


Defensive Alignment if Stephen Hawking was Playing in Centerfield with His Less-than-Excellent UZR


Defensive Alignment Most Pleasing to Someone with a Particular Type of OCD

OCD alignment

Defensive Shift if All Outfielders Were Drunk and Behaving in a Disorderly Manner


Defensive Shift if Dragons Were Real and Attacking


Defensive Alignment if the Cocoon from Cocoon was Found Just Beyond Second Base


How These Defensive Alignments Might Look to Someone with Deuteranopic Colorblindness


How These Defensive Alignments Might Look to Someone with Full-On Blindness



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Zach is an egregious malcontent whose life goal is to literally become the London Tube. @itszachreynolds.

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For alignment #1, make sure your shortstop and left fielder have clean-shaven heads.

Jellybeans are tough to throw straight and tougher to gently pull out of your hair.


That’s why ball players wear caps.