More SABR Fallout: Gary Matthews Sr., Mad Hatter

Sarges Hats

One of the highlights of this year’s SABR conference was a spirited former player session with ex-Phillies Dickie Noles, Gary Matthews, and Brad Lidge. Noles regaled the crowd with his version of events from the 1980 playoffs and World Series, when he apparently was bound and determined to throw at every single hitter on the Astros and Royals who dared to stand in against him. Brad Lidge talked about being on the mound to close out the 2009 2008 World Series, and also the beginnings of his career.

Sarge, as he’s prone to do as one third of the26th ranked broadcast team in the Majors, rambled on extensively about how he doesn’t trust numbers, he trusts heart, and barely discussed his playing career. He did, however, provide the greatest revelation of the conference, as it was revealed that Gary Matthews is not just a former ballplayer. He’s not just a broadcaster. He’s not just the father of Gary Matthews Jr. He is all of these three, and he is also a hatter.

That’s right, Gary Matthews makes hats. Beautiful hats. All the hats you could ever want, if your head wasn’t shaped funny like mine, and therefore you looked ridiculous in a hat. Hats galore. He’s even starting a line of little fedoras for kids. Which will be adorable because kids in hats. His website boasts, “Along with his family and baseball, Sarge has a great love for stylish headwear. A quality hat always tops off his look and Sarge wanted to share his passion for headwear with his friends and fans. Creating a collection of his favorite styles, SargesHats.com is the on-line destination for classically styled and high quality hats and caps for men and women.”

Perhaps his meandering on television and in person are because he is still using the traditional mercurit nitrate for felting his hats, and prolonged exposure is driving him mad. That would explain a lot anyway. Well, as he slowly succumbs to mercury poisoning, he is leaving behind a fine legacy of headwear. Here now are the 10 best hats available for the discriminating gentleman to purchase today-right now, in fact-on SargesHats.com*:

*Sarge also has a bevy of hats for the ladies, which I feel less qualified to judge. Though I really liked this, this, and this. And some femme fatale could wear this and get me in all involved in a murder rap, and I wouldn’t mind.

1) Brooks Hat, $100

Hat-Brooks Hat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2) Bamboo Mowbray, $54

Hat-Bamboo Mowbray

3) Habana Hat, $95

Hats-Habana hat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4) Tropic Player, $53

Hat-Tropic Player

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5) Agnelli Plaid Cap, $76.50

Hat-Agnelli Plaid Cap

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6) Charlie Pork Pie, $52.70

Hat-Charlie Pork Pie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7) Tilden Cap, $52

Hat-Tilden Cap

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8) Billy Fedora, $60

Hat-Billy Fedora

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9) Recycled Tropic Duke, $53

Hat-Tropic Duke

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10) Canvas Fisherman’s Hat, $44

Hat-Canvas Fisherman





Mike Bates co-founded The Platoon Advantage, and has written for many other baseball websites, including NotGraphs (rest in peace) and The Score. Currently, he writes for Baseball Prospectus and co-hosts the podcast This Week In Baseball History. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter @MikeBatesSBN.

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Damaso's Burnt Shirt
10 years ago

What’s the SHAR aka Standard Hats Above Replacement on each of the hats?

War2d2
10 years ago
Reply to  Mike Bates

I believe the Replacement Level Hat should be set to a screen-printed, feed-store-branded, foam-front, mesh-backed, adjustable trucker’s cap with a nylon-quilted bill and a small, barely noticeable coffee stain on the corner, don’t worry about it honey, this isn’t the Ritz, Thelma won’t complain and anyway crawl off my ass I just want a plate of hash. What do you mean I never take you anywhere nice we went to Red Lobster last month didn’t we? I’m not made of money, and cotton ain’t pulling down the price it used to and I’m not getting any younger anyhow. It’s not like Jimmy will take over the farm, what with that devil’s rock and roll taking over his life. I pray for him, honest I do, but I fear his soul has been lost to the ways of Old Scratch. I know he’s only twelve, but you can see the darkness take him when he sets about practicing on that tuba for band. The worst decision we ever made, allowing that book-learned teacher talk us into letting him down that darkling path. We’ve lost our boy, momma. We’ve lost our boy to that shining brass demon.

AC of DC
10 years ago
Reply to  War2d2

You don’t say much, young feller, but when you do it’s right on.