NotGraphs Mail Sack, Featuring Irresponsible Advice!

We receive quite a bit of mail here at NotGraphs’ headquarters, much of it inappropriate either in a sexual way or spiritual way or other type of way.

That said, we occasionally receive correspondence of some merit, too. Below are three recent examples of same, with responses of varying quality.

(Note: got a pressing question or incisive comment for NotGraphs? Feel free to fire it through the internet to not+tips@fangraphs.com!)

Now, on to the letters:

Is it okay to bring a baseball mitt to a game? My friend says it’s not something for adult men to be doing, but I don’t really see the ish.

— Shawn in Shawnee

If it makes you feel better, Tony, I wear my mitt all the time and everywhere — at home, at a restaurant, and, yes, at a baseball game. I just never wear it on my hand, if you know what I mean.

__________

I wanna name my child after a baseball player, but I have to get my wife’s approval. What’s my best option?

— Al in Alameda

Divorce, probably. I mean, statistically speaking, you’re likely to be getting one anyway at some point.

If divorce isn’t for you, Koufax is one to consider: it’s unisexual and honors one of the game’s more brilliant talents.

__________

I’m under the impression that I enjoy baseball, but I also find it pretty boring to watch sometimes. Is that a thing?

— Tony in Tonytown

Of course. Baseball is like church: it’s mostly boring, you eat and drink something about halfway through, and you mostly do it because that’s what your father did.

On second thought, maybe baseball is like church, but not for any of those reasons. Metaphors are difficult!




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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AndyS
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AndyS
5 years 1 month ago

And similes are even harder!

Aaron Whitehead
Guest
Aaron Whitehead
5 years 1 month ago

“If divorce isn’t for you, Koufax is one to consider.”
Raul Mondesi’s B-R page used to be sponsored by a man who named his son “Mondesi.” I have no response.

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
5 years 1 month ago

‘On second thought, maybe baseball is like church’

Fantasy Minister League anyone?**

All denominations of all religions qualify, individual must have started at least 2 readings/prayers/sermons or appeared in 5 proceedings to qualify. Auction draft only. Each owner will be charged a tithe for any player adds throughout the course of the season.

Lets do this!

**Other names for the ‘sport’ were considered, however the acronym produced by the one presented is perhaps too good.

Matt
Guest
Matt
5 years 1 month ago

I believe in the Church of Baseball. (oh come on, someone had to quote it)

taite
Guest
taite
5 years 1 month ago

My brother’s baseball coach named his first daughter Larkin.

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