Mustache Watch: Eric Berger

Indians prospect Eric Berger has a mustache.

Let us crush the uprising.

Let us check our chained pocket watch before signing the railroad deed.

Let us agree not to speak of the colonel’s history of ravishment.

Let our wives die in childbirth.

Let our sons die of the catarrh.

Let us poach buffalo from the dining car.

Let us build, in the town square, a monument to the general on horseback as he watches the slaughter through his opera glasses and from the safety of a garrisoned hillside.

Let us ponder the imponderable while the minister intones.

Let us perpetrate a mining disaster so as to smother the union.

Let us agree that the issue will be decided by the men in this room.

Let us decide that the mining disaster will be our casus belli.

Let us toast the decision.

Let us make sure that all the pine boxes of dead Christians will fit in the vessel’s hold.

Let us backhand the maid-servant as punishment for her lowliness.

Let us over-murder the mewling settlers.

Let us pass the vicar a clod of dollars in a handshake.

Let us threaten the constable with a glance.

Let us see that those coxcombs and jackanapes, so promiscuous with their complaints, are seen to.

Let us pound the the scroll-top desk upon reading the telegram.

Let us sign the order of execution with a plumed quill.

Let us sip absinthe alone in the dark.

For Indians prospect Eric Berger has a mustache.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

18 Responses to “Mustache Watch: Eric Berger”

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  1. dockmarm says:

    Let us affix damsels to the railroad ties.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Resolution says:

    I wonder – who is more ‘Pistols at Dawn’. John Axford or this fellow, Eric Berger?

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  3. reillocity says:

    Hear, hear.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. jcxy says:

    small quip-absinthe is the drink of unwashed libertine poets…certainly not noble gentlemen.

    if i had to guess, eric berger should be drinking…a pimm’s cup?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Lichtenstein says:

    Let us don our most excellent tank top and cruise the brooklyn flea for hotties

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Erik Archer says:

    Eric Burger pitches from neither the windup nor the stretch, Eric Burger pitches from irony.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Dan Gladden says:

    Let us hatch another daring scheme

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. Mrs. Cistulli says:

    Let us administer a crimson mask to Mr. Berger by mounting upon his mustache and riding like the wind while ovulating. Just kidding. My womb is now barren and heat descends upon me with the quickness of the Flash jacked up on Heisenberg blue.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Smooth says:

    Let us not include Delmon Young in Moustache Watch, out of extreme racism!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. Eric says:

    let us consult with Rutherford P. Moonshine, taxidermist and general store purveyor

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. RA Rowe says:

    vocabulary, natures time machine

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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