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Mustache Watch: Kevin Youkilis, American Constable

The reader will likely know that Kevin Youkilis was recently placed on — and has, even more recently, returned from — paternity leave by the Chicago White Sox. What our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has learned in the meantime, however, is that Youkilis’ absence was not designed to facilitate his presence at the birth of his first human child. Rather, it allowed him time to sire, bear, and deliver the mustache (pictured above) favored by constables of all seven continents and probably space, too.