My Catcher Wears A Zombie Mask

Courtesy of Baseball Think Factory, an interesting article about catcher masks in the St. Paul Pioneer Press:

In addition to the titanium mask, which Nike debuted in 2007 after consulting with former New York Yankees all-star catcher Jorge Posada, [Joe] Mauer switched his catcher’s helmet in recent years to a ventilated Rawlings prototype…. [Twins] Triple-A Rochester catcher Eric Fryer wears a hockey goalie-style mask, while Red Wings teammate Josmil Pinto wears a traditional steel mask.

When I own a major league team, my catcher will wear a Zombie mask. Maybe it won’t protect him against concussions, but I think it’ll strike fear in opposing hitters to come up to the plate and see a zombie waiting there for them. Plus, what home plate umpire wants to anger a zombie? And, yeah, it might distract some of the pitchers, but I can get around that problem if I only sign zombie pitchers. In fact, maybe the catcher should be a zombie too, and the mask is just to add an extra level of fear. Like, “aren’t you scared of my zombie mask?” he asks the hitter, and then he tears off the mask to reveal… that he’s actually a zombie. No one will be staying in the batter’s box for too long after that.

And this is one reason why I will never own a major league team.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Carson Cistulli
3 years 21 days ago

Sounds reasoning here, Blachman. Very picture of logic-in-action.

3 years 21 days ago

When I own a team, my zombie catcher will wear a Jason mask. My pitcher will be Jeff Karstens who currently may or may not be a zombie…hard to tell with that guy.