New Billy Hamilton Seeking to Replace Old Billy Hamilton

Those in the know know that Reds prospect Billy Hamilton is not content with merely pilfering bases and scampering home. Rather, it is his roguish aim to scrub from history the other, older Billy Hamilton, who toiled from 1888 to 1901 (i.e., Back When God Liked Us). Those ill intentions are ill enough, but now comes the clearest sign yet that he’s winning …

Billy Hamilton, scrubber of histories

As you can plainly see, New Billy Hamilton has now placed himself athwart and astride the fellow travelers of Old Billy Hamilton — many of them Irish, all of them racist.

It is now New Billy Hamilton who is hoisting poisonous toddies with Ed Delahanty. It is now New Billy Hamilton who worries about the croup, hardening of the liver and vaguer body troubles. It is now New Billy Hamilton who motivates himself with a fear of old-country famine. It is New Billy Hamilton who has agreed to marry the Colonel’s daughter for the sake of appearances. It is New Billy Hamilton who, upon entering the confessional, says, “Get comfortable, Padre.”

Thenceforth, New Billy Hamilton will entertain comparisons to only New Billy Hamilton.

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11 Responses to “New Billy Hamilton Seeking to Replace Old Billy Hamilton”

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  1. Jim says:

    Damned shame. Great player who’s been completely forgotten. Seriously, check that runs / game number!

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  2. ettin says:

    Wow he’s even stealing pictures now….

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  3. canuckassassin says:

    Is it possible that both Billy Hamilton’s are the same person, and New Billy Hamilton simply ran back in time to have a career in the late 19th century?

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  4. MDL says:

    Quite the character, that Ed. Apparently he died after being swept over Niagara Falls… he had been kicked off a train for being drunk and threatening other passengers with a straight razor, and either fell or jumped in.

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    • Oh, Beepy says:

      This wasn’t like while he was retired or anything either, he stopped playing for the team due to this.. incident.

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      • Jim says:

        It’s generally difficult to continue playing after you’ve died. Although I think Roberto Alomar managed it for a couple of seasons.

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  5. Sasquatch says:

    Those old guys were so racist, in fact, that they used a picture of former Red Dave Sappelt instead of the actual New Billy Hamilton. “Close enough” they said, while waxing their glorious mustaches.

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  6. Shrewd Cat says:

    What – he played for a team call the ‘Cleveland Infants’?

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  7. tz says:

    You should also check out Robin Roberts’ latest pic.

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