New NotGraphs NotTechnologies™ Can Enhance Your Enjoyment of the 2013 MLB Postseason!

As per usual, MLB.TV subscribers won’t have the access to network broadcasts for postseason games that they had for regular season games. What MLB.TV offers in place of said is “alternate angle companion coverage” to the more proprietary MLB Network and TBS broadcasts; of these angles, Postseason.TV subscribers can watch four simultaneously.

For those of you who don’t already have cable television subscriptions, Postseason.TV is a relatively cost-effective option for viewing hot postseason action — but it can also be frustrating. That is why NotGraphs, ever purveyors of fan-pleasures, has developed NotGraphs NotTechnologies™ to enhance your sensory enjoyment of the 2013 MLB Playoffs.

Simply by installing a few simple web browser plugins, you, dear NotGraphs readers, can turn an underwhelming Postseason.TV experience into an absurdist baseballing extravaganza! Behold your many options:

The Pedro Martinez HairCam™

Pedro has joined the TBS broadcast team for the 2013 postseason, but the Pedro Martinez HairCam™ is only available through NotGraphs NotTechnologies™.

Very jheri.

Obscure the Postseason.TV static camera angle of your choice with luxurious jheri curls by applying the Pedro Martinez HairCam™! Choose from several eras of Pedro coiffure!


Have you ever wished that the baseball game you were watching had the shoddy quality of an Eno Sarris GIF? Well. Now you can view every MLB postseason moment as if it were one of Eno’s GIFs! Applying the Eno-GIF’d!™ filter to streaming video renders the stream blurry and slows it down so that each moving object might as well be stock footage of a bigfoot! Sweet dreams!

Eno-GIF, and discover the ‘squatchy essence in all moving things!

Peter Gammons Pocket Tweet Teleprompter™

Peter Gammons is beloved by many — and for many good reasons. One of those reasons, arguably, is his adorable habit of pocket-tweeting.

My email?

This NotTechnologies™ non-technology will in randomly interject the text of Gammons’s pocket tweets over the streaming video you are watching, frequently reminding you that there is no rhyme or reason in this crazy, crazy world of ours.

You can use the Peter Gammons Pocket Tweet Teleprompter™ to play postseason drinking games with your friends: Be the first to read aloud the pocket tweet and you won’t have to drink!

Lineup Dick Allen-ificator™

This one is pretty simple, but nonetheless delightful: whenever a player’s name appears onscreen in a broadcast, Dick Allen‘s name will appear instead!

Every ballplayer’s dream: to be mistaken for the Sultan of Swag Coliseum SewageTracker™

I’m only getting one plunger!

No matter what game you are watching, you will not really be watching that game any longer when you turn on the NotTecnologies Coliseum SewageTracker™! Instead, you will be waiting with baited breath to see how much sewage piles up at!

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Bartolo Colon
Bartolo Colon

Pocket-tweeting is like gut-tweeting, but also has to involve a bm.